General post, reminder for myself from BI's sitch.
A note about compliments, and little acts of kindness:
Yes, I'm hurt and mad. I'm confused and tired. I'm all sorts of horrible things. BUT, at first, in the beginning of this mess, I FORCED myself to spew out compliments, thank you's, smiles, encouragement, strong words of support. It felt funny saying it, fake. Maybe b/c it's because I felt saying something sarcastic, angry, or nothing at all.
OR, maybe it's because, for some horrible reason, I stopped saying things like this to H. It felt funny b/c I wasn't used to saying TY for small things, saying silly supportive thigns all the time....I realized that it didn't come out of my mouth often. No, I wasn't cold, no way. BUT, I certainly didn't say things as often as I do now. WHY????? I do for friends, I have no problems, gushier words come out for less reason. So how about giving that same kindness, compliments and the bag to the person who I share most of life with?
Pretty soon, it became natural, saying TY, compliments, supportive words, smiles, laughs. On hard days, it made me feel better to do this....it melted H when he was also nervous around me.
Most of all, it became a foundation for just peace and respect, above all things, regardless of all things, IN SPITE of all things. At the very least, I had that.
I believed that if the words sounded funny to me, then surely H didn't buy it. At first, he didn't. But, somewhere along the way, he did. WHY? B/c all along, it's what he WANTED from me. At least I'm lucky he STILL wanted it and took it (by believing me). That he didn't get to a stage where it didn't matter anymore. How do I know he believes me and really listens to the words? B/c in our last talk, he said "you are so sweet, gentle and loving....where were you in my mind, I'm so mad I forgot." That's all the proof I need. I'm so sorry H, I don't know where I was in MY mind either.
It's funny, decency, manners and patience in my M were the first things I threw out the window---now they are the last and only things I cling on to.
