I'm SO happy for your success!!! I would give any appendage or semi-essential organ to hear those words!!!! My H is still at the stage where he's plain frustrated when I ask a simple question, which I usually assume indicates that he's still lying. BUT, reading your H's post opened my eyes....it MUST be frustrating to try, and still be treated like a convict (BUT, my H is still lying, so let's not cut too much slack!).
Well...don't be too hard on yourself. Your email is a nice, BIG effort towards healthy, authentic (read Underdog's post on this in Hopefulness) communication. Respectful, peaceful, non-threatening. Geez, where was this when we were married???
Geez. Sounds like your H is being sincere, and putting himself out there...as much as he can for a guy that is scared that you will blow at any second and is still feeling horribly guilty. I know at times we expect them to come to us, with the same excitement and gushy words as they did to OW, BUT, remember, she was EASY to deal with....no baggage, no issues. But now, we're complex...remember that your H needs lots of assurance now that you want this too.
SO, that being said. How about making ONE MORE step tonight? I hear ya about the separate lives....it's like a stalemate, being stuck b/c no one wants to draw. But, someone DOES, and just let it be YOU. I remember how many times in M that H was the one to let things go, and I kept fighting/holding a grudge. SO, now, I try to be the bigger person.
What I'm telling ya, is that you need to break the ice tonight. Just a little. Be the one.
When you see him in bed, just sincerely look at him, and say "H, Thank you so much for your email....this all still hurts for both of us, and talking through email is sometimes best, and thank you for talking to me in that mode. What you wrote meant a lot to me."
That's it. Even if you already wrote it to him..SAY it tonight. Really look at him. And that's it. No expectations of heroic, romance novel sex/kissing (you'll get to that later). Beleive me, those words are the start of making the connection. It was for me. I never thought the words meant much, but they do.
Go for it, girl. Make us proud (again!). We need to hear more successes like this, it keeps us all going. Small steps back toward each other!
