Hi Always,

It is I who have had a few glasses of wine tonight ;-) Such a nice diversion from my overly busy and consuming activities. I have caught up on your thread and I am so impressed with how well you are doing. I also am always blown away how I resonate with you and with how you are feeling:
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Selfishly, I admit that a large part of my peace is knowing that she offers a basic need and gap of pain that H had....and not much else. Not to go overboard with PMA, but really, she's not 1/2 the woman, professional, or the mother I would like to be (she has a kid, I don't).

You are right, it does not matter anyway. But I also find it somehow comforting to see how little my H's OW matters It is really good that you see that.

It is weird isn't it, how our H's are split between two worlds, and for a while it seems like our worlds and lives are split too:
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during this A stuff, and all the lies, I felt that I was going insane. Mostly I kept my head up, out of the water, but inside, I felt I bobbed between 2 worlds....my world during day, work and free time with friends/family where things were REAL, I was ME, life was AUTHENTIC. Then, H comes in and any time spent with him was mostly a lie, he lied about stupid things. Slowly the 2 worlds merged and I felt my reality slip away when I didn't know what to believe and what not to.

I have justy gotten to a place where I am unwilling to be bounced back and forth. If H wants to live dual lives, I will just sit back and observe.

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It's amazing to see how far I've come. I never thought it was possible, but I guess that's precisely when ALL things ARE possible.


This right there says is it all. No wonder I follow your thread. Glad to have you in the DB fight with me. You are an inspiration.

PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller