Yes, venting. All of today, also feeling lots of anger, pain. Intense pain. It's funny, I don't even have all the facts, haven't reached the whole "disclosure" phase, if I will at all. So, a little unhappy that I'm in this facing the pain stage, but oh well, feels healthy.
I just read GH's post on another thread and was reminded of the purpose of detachment, and then posted something myself that was quite compassionate....about being in a fog myself in our M, and now it's H's time to be in the fog. He waited for me and patiently forgave a lot of pain I caused, so I guess it's up to me to do the same?
This morning I had an interesting thought. About H being "crazy" for OW (as he stated long ago). I guess, in some odd way, part of me is jealous. In my entire life, H is the only person I have been really, deeply in love with. I know that I am that for him as well....but I don't think I've had that "crazy" feeling for anyone that I can remember. I guess I was jealous b/c I want that....with someone....why? An escape...I'm so sick of being in pain, confused, lied to, analyzing, reachign deep down ad putting a smile on, waiting....I just want to let go and fall in love, that excitement and thrill of being with someone with no baggage, someone easy, someone fun. Ya know, that's what H said OW was, an escape, running away from me. So, I guess it's not real, deep love I'm looking for, but the feeling, the rush. I'm a little jealous. I guess it's not falling in love, it's infactuation, escape, a pain killer.
I'm still jealous.
Oh, the weird feelings we encounter in our journey's. Hmmm.
