PL--you're the BEST!!! Really, I posted this morning before I left for work, and by the time I got in, I had another flash of memory from the last few months where I stuffed a memory inside and was in a sour mood. OK, the memory is that once (after I found out about OW and we had the big fight), there was something that H and I were supposed to do, visit a friend for something they needed. I asked H when we should go....he backed out, said he could not, and when I was a little sad, he said that he would appreciate if I could go and "represent us." I said OK...as I HAVE BEEN DOING for OUR ENTIRE M. My big thing with H is that he always backs out of social/couple things and expects me to represent...which is fine, but this time, he was with OW in some way (phone or in person). This morning, it PISSED ME OFF. How dare you set me up for a test for our M (my willingness to represent US without question or complaint...a test of my support) and you were with someone else.
OK, when I read PL's post, it really turned my mood. I had a great, busy day at work. I came to peace that there are a LOT of things that are really unfair and painful. I have to deal with it....just figuring out how. What hurts the most is the contradiction, the testing, the hypocrisy, the lies, the manipulation.
Funny thing is that when I found about OW, I pulled back TOTALLY. I stopped even thinking of us as a couple. I let him go, and he was the one that kept bringing up the "future" with little things (projects, investments, etc).
Loving detachment. Now is a time to vent, I have 10 more days to do that...then back in LD mode. I have to keep faith that I will have my time for pain, needs, talks.
THanks for listening and giving advice...the reality checks, boosts and wisdom are incredible. Please keep them coming!
