I have been hanging out on the infidelity board, but have really gained a lot from reading your thread. I am thinking about Harley's recommendation to spend a minimum of 15 hours of dedicated time together each week if you are in a healthy marriage, and even more (30 hours!) if your marriage is damaged or in danger. He says that time together is necessary to rekindle those "in love" feelings, like you had many moons ago when you couldn't wait to be together. I think it would be a really wonderful exercise for you to see if you can maintain those wonderful feelings about yourself while living together and rebuilding your M. And also see if the time spent together can rekindle your love. It is easy to fall out of love, and a lot of that can be caused by spending insufficient time together. You have come this far in your DBing efforts! Don't give up or lose patience now! What did you initially fall in love with when you fell for your H? And who were you then? Plus now you've got more tools, more information, and a much better sense of who you are and who you want to be. Of course you can walk away now, could have all along! But what if you are just on the precipice of falling back in love with each other, and all of the ideas you have about how good it can be to be alone, are just excuses because you are scared of being hurt again? You can still be resolute about what you want in a rebuilt M. But maybe a little more patience, a little more time...
just a thought
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
