He said that in a healthy marriage, things don't have to be delineated so specifically( his attempt to deflect) and I said in our marriage, because of past events, they really do. And in the course of this convo, it comes out that he is resentful of doing "abc" all the time in the morning, and we decided we would do abc together...share the task...and after resolving that, the air suddenly seemed so clear between us. The EC was back. He had about 10 minutes, and in that time he put on a video of us taking our daughter home from the hospital when she was born ( 13+ yrs ago), something we meant to do on Mother's Day, and all these sentimental feelings came out. ( a note to Chrome... I looked so mom-like and nonsexy then...amazing the change in me..change is possible). A note to myself... I looked so young and innocent and happy. What happened? And a note to all..don't wait to fix your marriages...H and I have been through so much trauma together...it's so unnecessarily stressful and sad. Wow. I could relate to so much of what you wrote here IHJ. H and I used to think being specific was not necessary in a "healthy" M. But that was proved wrong. Looks like you and H really had a breakthrough there. Oh, and the mother video, I know exactly what you mean about looking so innocent and non-sexy. Yikes. My friends were over the other day and one of our photo albums was out. They were looking at the piuctures and in all seriousness they said, "I just can't believe that is you. You look so different." I was probably about 20 pounds heavier, glasses, very frumpy dress, you get the idea. Totally different than I am now. It kind of makes me sad to look at those pictures now because, unlike you, I also feel like I was very unhappy about myself then. So yes, change IS possible. And I wholeheartedly agreewith this: And a note to all..don't wait to fix your marriages...H and I have been through so much trauma together...it's so unnecessarily stressful and sad.
