Mother's Day was a really lovely day. H was doing what he does best...doing nice and happy things...and I felt emotionally connected to him. He made sure the kids had cards for me, made a brunch, planted some flowers and we played tennis with the kids. At night we made smores using the fire pit he recently bought. He was trying ( and succeeding ) in making it a special day, and I was very appreciative.
It turns out that it was an " on" night for us sexually...and here's where it fell apart. He initiated in the same way and we ML in the usual way. I have been happy about the consistency and the EC ( a huge difference from when I came here on this BB 2 yrs ago)...but here is the thing... I just don't know how to make it exciting for me. I have the reverse problem ( as described here) in the " Peace Between The Sheets" book...I really don't care if I have an orgasm... I just let it go. H does O and will ask me if I want anything else, but I find myself saying no, probably because I know it will take some time for me to get to that place, and I am just glad about the EC and the fact that we have a regular sex life and it seems like enough.
Well last night, after our usual, I really felt in tears inside. I statred to feel like there really is something wrong with me, that I need extra stimulation, like that old song " she's a super freak." My H and I are also two different birds...he is really the most like a 3, needing admiration, and I am most like a 4, wanting some mystery and drama. I am not having much success pushing him out of his comfort zone, and if I could just go with the flow, everything would be nice and fine.
But, overnight, the healthy part of me came out and in the morning I was thinking thoughts that I am not a freak, that I am not so demanding, and that once a week it's ok to spice things up a bit. I thought about the advice on this BB which would be to communicate with H, which I did, and we sort of agreed that on the weekend to make things more interesting. But afterwards, when he left for work, I had all these bad, guilty feelings for bringing this up and therefore implying that I wasn't happy with the status quo and was hurting his male ego type stuff.
He just called from work to say he is having a crappy day. It is raining here ( it's been like Noah's Ark lately in the NE) and I am waiting for a roof guy to come to repair a leak. Any comments appreciated.
