Quote: He has never been good at comforting me and I'm thinking is this the way I want to spend the rest of my life....
This can be a "guy" thing, IHJ. I hear this from my W from time to time. She finally gave me an example of HOW she wanted to be comforted, and I have to force myself to remember it when something comes up, instead of doing what I normally do, which is shift into fix-it mode.
Can he be trained to comfort you in an acceptable manner?
One more thing: When atlDave was on here recently, he wrote about how he "farmed out" certain needs of his that weren't being met by his W. Perhaps, in order to save the M, you might want to consider farming out the need for comfort to a friend, family member, or professional (therapist).
I am feeling a little better today...I am accepting that my H isn't able to give me the warmth and empathy in the way that resonates with me. He told me this AM he wants to buy one of those outdoor fire pits for the backyard...his way of bringing warmth. He tends to focus a lot on the house. I said it would be fun to roast marshmallows with the kids and it would be a cozy thing.
I am feeling LD...I suppose because I feel he doesn't get the depth of me. But it's not " all about me" so I will pick up the pieces and get myself together.
Quote: Perhaps, in order to save the M, you might want to consider farming out the need for comfort to a friend, family member, or professional (therapist).
Well, I kinda like the idea of fixing this marriage so that I have a true "soulmate" who truly understands me, but that's just another fusion fantasy.
You would think after 20+ yrs of knowing my H I could finally accept our emotional gap, but acceptance comes hard to me...means there is no more to fix, this is the way it is...and, well, accept.
I am still feeling LD but will do my best to " shake it off."
J, Fwiw, my H is not my emotional soulmate either. Not that I believe in that concept anyway.
Since I've lost my dad, I can't say that he 'gets' what I'm going through or that he's even asking me about it. I talk with my sisters about it and shed my tears with them. As far as he knows, I'm doing fine and haven't cried for weeks. !!!
It is SO hard coming to that place of acceptance...the place where you realize that this person is never going to even come close to filling your tank but then again just that knowledge brings some sort of peace, kwim?
Acceptance is hard and it takes time. I think the suggestion to farm out some of your emotional needs was brilliant. He can't be everything to you, despite the fact that he's THE person in the world who has the biggest emotional investment in you. Heck, in certain situations, he can't even be what he *should*. That's human nature, I suppose.
I think I get it now. Maybe your H is really more Type 3 than Type 7 or 9. You know those ED med commercials where they show the happy, prosperous, in-love looking middle-aged couples having moments that are "right" for sex. Maybe you feel like your H wants you guys to superficially resemble one of those couples without any sort of depth of feeling behind the interaction?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I think the suggestion to farm out some of your emotional needs was brilliant.
OMG...I said something that HP said was "brilliant." I want to remember this feeling, because, well, I'd say it's better than sex, but, more accurately, it's better than my vague recollection of sex.
Mojo: My favorite ED drug ad is the one with the couple in the matching clawfoot bathtubs, holding hands as they sit outside watching the sunset. It's for Cialis, I think. I've always thought they should show the couple when he turns to her and says, "hey honey, I've been thinking...let's try anal."
Quote: Mojo: My favorite ED drug ad is the one with the couple in the matching clawfoot bathtubs, holding hands as they sit outside watching the sunset. It's for Cialis, I think. I've always thought they should show the couple when he turns to her and says, "hey honey, I've been thinking...let's try anal."
Hairdog, who never has.
What have you never? Asked Mrs.HD for anal sex, tried anal sex or wanted to try anal sex? Is this #327 on your list of "Things That I Will Never Do If I Stay Married to Mrs.HD" or what? Of course, though I insist that I am really not all that kinky (the fact of the matter is that I am so cheefully pro-sex that I can turn the most kinky activity into just a jolly fun time. It's a blessing and a curse )), I am fine with anal sex. After all, it is the #2 activity requested of prostitutes world-wide, so obviously it is a pretty standard male fantasy. See how boring and everyday I've made it seem already .
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Even when I had a girlfriend who had admitted to doing it in the past, and who would have cheerfully obliged, I never felt the urge to go this route. No, I just mentioned it because it struck me as funny. . . perhaps because it's so non-mainstream and those ads have become so very mainstream.
Mojo What have you never? Asked Mrs.HD for anal sex, tried anal sex or wanted to try anal sex?
Jenny and the other Higher drive women. It is difficult being in a R where basic sex is in short supply, so asking for or suggesting something that some W consider gross, is not even more than a brief thought if one wants to keep the peace.
After all, it is the #2 activity requested of prostitutes world-wide, so obviously it is a pretty standard male fantasy.
It is? I would want many other things, like both of us having fun and both getting off and both think "that was fun" post IC.
I want to remember this feeling, because, well, I'd say it's better than sex, but, more accurately, it's better than my vague recollection of sex. 
.