Relevant to this, I am listening to Schnarch talking about the three types of sex, and how they pull us further and further out of our comfort zones. The first type is the sensate focus, or self-focused sex, where we are concentrating on the physiological goings-on in our own bodies. The second type is the partner-focused sex, what he sometimes refers to as "eyes-opened sex." He talks about how difficult it is to have an eyes-opened orgasm, and how we are not so much afraid of what we might see, but rather, afraid that our partner will be able to see into our "windows of the soul." The third type is "role-playing" sex, which can be a real challenge to people's comfort zones. It's all about the "willing to tolerate discomfort, for growth" aspect of differentiation.
And you know I'm already up to the "role-playing" sex. I play the "I want you, let's do it" sex-crazed man, and she plays the role of "it ain't happening" disgusted-with-men woman. We're getting pretty good at it, too. I'm thinking the next roles should be her playing the "I'm going to bed...I mean, I'm going to sleep" clear-about-not-wanting-to-be-touched-anytime-soon woman, and me playing the "I'm going downstairs to MB so I can relax enough to sleep" frustrated-man.
