First I want to say I'm reading your first thread "Am I creating a SSM (part 1)" at Cobra's suggestion.
Our situations is very, very similar... but then there is alot of that going around from all the threads I've been spending way too much time reading on here.
Quote: It is his issue, his crucible, and unless you rescue him by accepting responsibility for his behavior, sooner or later he will have to come to terms that he is the only one responsible for acting like that. Once this acknowledgement is made, once he “owns” his stuff, then he can start working on change.
I agree with this whole heartedly! When I stopped taking the 'blame' for my H's nastiness toward me... only then did his attitude change. Only then did his threats of leaving and D stop.
Quote: Because you are still depending on him to set how you feel, see? Only time and the consistency of his actions to build a level of trust will cure this. So stop being the puppet on a string.
I did this. Big time. And I can't say I don't slip back into it at times. But there is something that changes when you don't allow it any longer. When my H sees that I'm calm (sometimes a facade) and not letting his little comments etc affect me... his nasty attitude fades away.
I'm going to wait to say anything else until I catch up on the complete threads... but sweetie, you are right... you need to set boundries or he his going to stomp all over you for as long as you let him get away with it IMO... It's hard. I had to get mad enough and fed up enough... then I let him have it... I think you need to do the same...
Like Cobra said... you're doing great... it took me too sooo long to learn what you're learning now...
