Am I Creating a SSM Part II

[Burgbud]

Whew. I see what you mean about being vulnerable. This would be telling him both something revealing about the way I am feeling and second that he had the power to make it happen, i.e. ignoring me is WORKING!! Nonetheless, this may be the kind of conversing I need to learn how to do....man just that one sentence scares the crap out of me. Sheesh, what does that say about me?????

Perhaps it says that when you've been vulnerable to H in the past he's hurt you and you're anxious about putting your hand back in the fire. Maybe it says that you want to be optimistic and work on yourself and your M but when H isn't good to you it drains your positivity and energy.

MWD is a proponent of SBT, and part of that is we can search for the "why" of our inefficient or harmful behaviors until the cows come home but the important part is changing the behavior to something positive. So don't get distracted by what that says about you, just change it if it needs changing.

This is the type of thing that always strikes me as a red flag. When you say, "Sheesh, what does that say about me?????", I hear, "See, I really *am* messed up! My issues have probably made H what he is today." Which is overstating my case but you see what I mean.

Heather, you're fine. You're working on yourself, you're trying new ideas to help your M, you're learning and growing. Give yourself full credit for all that and keep building your self-esteem from there. If you find it interesting that making yourself vulnerable to H scares the crap out of you, note it and move on.

You've been dealing with an incredible amount of emotional turmoil for nearly two years (and you dealt with a lot in the years before as well). Yet you've become stronger, more resilient, more confident, and happier with yourself. What does *that* say about you?

Enjoy your weekend!