I see no reason Heather couldn’t tell her H that she is really trying to learn how meet his wishes and opening a joint account is on her list. But at this point in the marriage, where he has such defensiveness and denial of the issues, she must consider her financial security and that of the kids. It is simply not safe right know for her to commingle funds. If he could show some clear signs that he is working on things then they can bring up this issue again. She might also ask him what his lawyer has to say about his idea?
I think Heather needs to show she is empathic toward her H, that she feels his pain, blah, blah, but she in now way should roll over and let him walk over her. He needs to know that she wields certain power, that she has certain recourse, and that in the event of a divorce, she will use those rights. Carrot and stick. Push him into his crucible.
