Am I Creating a SSM Part II

[heatherg]

But I see now how you are stuck in over-sensitive mode, brought about by the R you currently have with your H. I know and understand that mode. Let me tell you Heather, you need to get out of that mode if you ever want to be able to set firm enough boundaries to help move your M forward.

Lol, I am easily influenced. When Cobra said I should not feel that what I did was stupid, I had a reaction he probably could not ever have predicted. I thought to mayself "Geez, I sure hope Chrome didn't think I was calling him stupid....he's probably thinking 'Speak for yourself Heatherg!'"
So, Ok, I'm oversensitive. Agreed. Glad you didn't take it the wrong way

With that being said about boundaries, you are so right. Because I always see the other person's POV. H and I are about to have a not so nice discussion I am predicting, about the monthly bills. He wants me to take on bills in proportion to my ratio of income vs his. I want to take the bills and split them down the middle. I see what LFL was trying to say about that not being what I want to accomplish, a me vs you mentality. Her suggestion to merge the finances has merit, but that would be for further down the road. Like around the time H starts treating me like a W. I am not a friend with benefits, i.e. the luxury of using my money. I am a wife with a good income and if he would like to treat me like a wife, then I'd be more than happy to give him some of my money. Don't get me wrong, I pay for tons of stuff that benefits him.....movies, fun stuff, clothes, whatever. I'm strictlty talking about stepping up and commiting myself to more than 50% of the monthly bills (mortgage and utilities, we have no debt involved) jut because I make more. I'm worried that I'm doing the wrong thing. It's gonna be hard to enforce this because he's gonna accuse me of holding money over his head, etc. Any help with this would be great.