Am I Creating a SSM Part II

[heatherg]

Thanks for your willingness to stand up for my honor Cobra, but I knew what I was doing. Anyone who has an A and says they didn't know it was wrong is full of crap. I didn't know how deeply the cuts would go, so I can say I didn't fully understand the consequences and I agree that I wasn't in a state of mind to grasp them even if someone had tried to tell me. But I knew better than to do what I did. The decisions I made to be with OM on those few occasions I was with him were conscious decisions without a doubt. I honestly wouldn't blame my H if he couldn't forgive me. I just wish he'd say it and get it over with though. I feel like I'm picking at a scab anytime he tells me that I've never been sorry, etc. I want to show him otherwise, I want to talk about it and get it out. But he wants to see something from me that would completely reopen the wound, I guess he wants to see raw emotion and it's just not there anymore....that part of the healing process is complete and in fact, may have even been cut short because my self preservation instincts kicked in due to the hostility that poured from him. I don't know how to tell him that without sounding like I've 'moved past it' and left him behind to mourn 'what was'.

Chrome, I certainly hope I didn't offend you with what I said. That was not my intent at all and if I did, I apologize. I know you've struggeled with your own demons on guilt so I did not mean to dredge anything up for you.