Because I’ve tried not to ‘rock the boat’. I know how things will affect H and because of that, I’ve not gone out with friends, in any capacity, since the A was revealed. I know that the reluctance not to ‘rock the boat’ is my problem. That is why I need to snap out of it and do the things I want to do and stop worrying about H’s reaction. That sort of flies in the face of showing remorse. It seems like a no win.

No! Doing what you need to do to become self-actualized (the best individual person you can be) does not fly in the face of remorse. That's where you are messing up. You think if you stay stuck to H like glue, it shows remorse. Wrong. It just shows further codependence. And you can remain independent and be remorseful at the same time. My H is a prime example. We still are maintaining our individual growth (going out with our own friends, GAL on our own, etc), and yet I am able to see/feel H's remorse for what he did (left). So while we are coming back together as a couple, we are still maintaining our individualism which I think is CRUCIAL to having the type of M you and most people are after. Your H is still in the stage where he is fighting it every step of the way, doesn't want you to go out and doesn't even want to go out with mutual friends. That is a Huge red flag.
So again, I would work on GAL yourself, and whenever possible, encourage/nudge your H to do the same.