Am I Creating a SSM Part II

[heatherg]

I wonder about your agenda. You say you only personally know her through a conversation. Did you two meet on one of the DB boards? If so, you are just an internet acquaintance right? So what is your vested interest? Perhaps she struck a cord with you, but if so, there is some need within you that Heather may be filling. So how do we know your intentions are true?

Let me start of by saying that I am EXtremely appreciative for every one of you...I have read these posts and I am incredibly grateful that so many take time out of their own lives and problems to offer me suggestions. It truly warms my heart to know that people can care about others that they have never even met.

With that being said, I would hope that no one gives another single thought to what Cobra seems to be implying with the above line of questioning. Phase3 has been around my thread since nearly the beginning and he was supportive at a very, very volatile time in my R with H. Cobra mentioned that I need to grow emotionally and I 110% agree. I have grown tremendously since I came here, although I concur I still have a long ways to go.
What helped me back in the beginning were people like Phase3 who took the time out of their days to tell me that I wasn't crazy and that doing what I had done shouldn't mean I have to resign myself to a lifetime of being treated badly. I felt so guilty and I was in the Affairs forum (which is a tough place to start out if you're a cheater ) and I was reading through how hurt people were by what their partners had done and I didn't know how much of the treatment I was getting from H I 'deserved'. I truly didn't know and I still struggle with that today. Phase3 is a friend, an empathetic friend, and he hasn't even been around in months. So, to say I have somehow filled a need for him, that need must be pretty sporadic. Maybe he's back for his fill

Again, I appreciate everyone. One of the reasons I liked this forum so well was because of the openess and directness of the people here. I do not think that anyone needs to qualify everything they say with "IMO", etc. When I first came here, I had to make an attitude adjustment toward Cobra's postings at first because they do come across as authoritative and I did in fact feel threatened because he seemed so sure he had the answers. But I don't feel threatened anymore, I am getting a feel for his personality and I understand that's just who he is. Knowing who I've been emotionally since I've come to these boards, I understand P3's concern that anything offered up as 'the way' would make me feel even guiltier if I couldn't pull it off. Which has totally been the case with me in the past, so he is right on.
The good news my friends is that I AM growing. And I get it more and more every day. I am just beginning to understand that there is no 'the way'.....there is only 'my way' and that is being developed with all of your help. I can agree or I can disagree....even with H. And that's ok....it doesn't make me 'wrong', which was my first conclusion 'back then'. That is one of the biggest lessons I've learned and I owe so much of that lesson to people like Phase3 because they were the first to assure me that I was in fact, sane. Each thread I create, with all of your help, reinforces that and gives me new thoughts and ideas to apply to my M and to myself.

This board gies me more than you guys realize, so again, thank you.