On some level it seems to me H respects Heather's desire for him not to drink. To me that's an form of love...and, <shock!> respect.
And you may be right. I know Heather has reason to suspect he changed in the first place and doesn't dive right back into the bottle now because his lawyer advised him that to do so would greatly endanger his case for sharing custody of the children.
- Ah, now see? This is more information, albeit unfortunately from an unverified 3rd party and not from Heather's H, whom I will defer to every time for his reasons for quitting. And I purposely said "on some level," which gave me the leeway not to pinpoint something with which I have zero personal connection or knowledge. And seeing as I said that's "some form of love and respect" I guess we could say this form would be self-love and respect for his lawyer's advice--removing Heather from the equation altogether; which, yes, I would find quite surprising and saddening if true.
If what you say or, I should say, by proxy Heather "suspects" (suspects?) is true then the level H is running on is the level of self-preservation and legal maneuverings. And if her H's main goal for sobriety is not wanting to hurt his own chances for shared custody that pretty much tells me he is not interested in saving this M. CYA$$$ does not strike me as an solution-based approach.
But, again, I cannot presume to know what is in H's brain.
I don't know you at all, Stig, but I wonder a bit when you project how you think you *might* be if you had a certain condition (that for all I know you don't actually have) onto Heather's H. And from there to determine that H's actions are a form of love and <shock!> respect.
- See above. Also see "seems." And note that nowhere do I say anything to the equivalent of I "determined" as what might be the impetus to H's behavior. Nope. I'm not omniscient; although if I were I sure as hell wouldn't be on this web site. LOL. Pretty dead giveaway.
Two choices here. IMO, Either an alcoholic quits for him/herself and/or she/she quits out of respect for (an) loved one/ones. In the latter case the loved ones usually encourage the sobriety via hard boundaries along with the alcoholic's own sense of respect for those boundaries. Yep, that's an form of respect.
It could well be that I'm just overly sensitive but these are the things that worry me. I think there's a pressure that goes along with, "I'm sure your H loves and respects you". I don't think any of us have a good grasp on what H thinks or how he feels.
- If you're getting this vibe from me please note that you're projecting your worry via placing words onto me here. I am pretty sure I never said "I amm sure..." (LOL "pretty sure" no pun int.; can't even be dead certain of my own words let alone others' LOL) Nor do I remember reading OP stating things with such certainty.
Your last line. Hmmm, I thought I was pretty clear in my other posts I do not have an brain scan device that would give me an view into H's thought or emotional patterns. Again, last line. Not only do I not have an "good grasp on what H thinks or how he feels"
I have no grasp.
.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
