cobra, I think your idea is a good one. I suppose you might look at it as "re-enmeshing," but the important thing about it is that it makes the groveler vulnerable. Both parties have to be vulnerable.
honey wrote
Quote: Now. Knowing your H, doing it in a perfectly perfect way may not net any results either, but at least he will be alone in the knowledge that HE is the one being the butthead, not you. This is a big part of the Schnarch philosophy..setting the scene so that it is the other person's buttheadish behavior that urges them into the crucible. It can NEVER be you who urges your H into the crucible. I could write that a million times over. It can never be you.
This is where the chessboard analogy comes in handy. If you leave the chessboard... if you stop moving your pieces in response to his moves... if you stop kicking his pieces to the floor... then ALL if the movement and conflict is revealed to be coming from him.
I also like the analogy of the wrestling pit: he jumps down there and motions for you to jump in and go at it. If you don't, then he cannot fight with you. Any conflict is generated only by him.
