Following up on your thoughts and my comments about the hurt I felt with my college girlfriend, one thing that would have stopped me in my tracks was to was to have seen her breakdown, crying and say something like “OK, I’ve said a hundred times I’m sorry! You have torn me down to where I have nothing left. I know I have destroyed your vision of our future and I am sorry. I will do what I can to repair it, to prove my worth and my love to you. But right now can’t you see how much YOU have hurt ME, can’t you see how sorry I am, how terrible I feel. Can’t you see MY pain!!”
Now before everyone jumps on me for proposing such a groveling statement (and yes it is groveling) let me say that this is in the idea of re-enmeshing, knowing how dysfunctional that is. But I think this is necessary to overcome HIS defenses and could bring a warming of relations so that communication can begin. This is a façade, no doubt. It is a partially false statement. But it may serve as the “reset” button that Stig mentions.
