…human beings are social creatures instinctively, and derive much of their feelings of worth from the community. …..It is a basic human need to want companionship, and to feel validated by others. I think over-reliance on other people's views is dangerous, but abandoning it altogether is dangerous too (could lead to sociopathic behavior). I think we fool ourselves when we claim to only derive our sense of self-worth from ourselves. What is better IMHO is to recognize that other's opinions of ourselves is just that, opinions, and can thus be faulty (due to ignorance or even malice).
I completely agree. I also think this is what I am saying, though I didn’t directly go into the need for social interaction and acceptance. But what you say is the message in Schnarch, as well as many eastern religions. Actually it is part of Christianity too. What else is meant by “To thine own self be true” and the golden rule?
My interpretation of what Shnarch, Corri, NotATLDave have been saying is basically the same thing. We each must find our sense of self from within us so that we do not crumble when the support from others disappears (for whatever reason). Being able to stand our own two feet does not mean we should exclude ourselves from any desire for human companionship, praise and admiration. These two things are not mutually exclusive. They are independent. But, requiring human companionship, praise and admiration in order to stand on our own two feet is a recipe for major disappointment. Does this make better sense?
