Hmmm.. I don't know Cobra. I thought Phase3 had some interesting points, the best being that if the two people have different IDEAS/CONCEPTS of what a M should entail, you have a big problem. Doesn't that go to the foundation of any successful R/M? If you have different beliefs and values of what makes up a happy M, you are starting on rocky ground. For instance, if my view of the importance of sex/intimacy is completely different than my H's, it is going to affect the M negatively. And add on the importance of basic respect, friendship, etc, like in Heather's case, and what do you really have? I understand the importance of individual happiness and not depending on the R/M to give you that happiness. But shouldn't that be a building block to the M? Shouldn't each person's individual happiness also translate into some common denominator of M happiness? ONLY if they have the same views on what a happy M should look like I think. Anyone can stay in a M and find some sense of personal happiness but I think M happiness can only be achieved if BOTH people WANT that to happen. They need to be working from a similar map/drawing board.
