I do karate twice a week and my kids are small. So more than that, is walking the line between selfishness and family values. BUT....I was thinking of a movie in the evenings every now and then after the kids go to bed. I'm probably going to go to dinner with a friend this week. How much do other working mothers do for 'alone time'?
Ok good. It sounds like you have some of your own interests and make time for them. That is very important. and glad to hear you are spending time with friends. I don't spend much more time than you out of "family time". I go to the gym 4-5 times a week (but I usually take the kids with me (they have a daycare)). And I'll have a girl's night out about once a month. The rest is spent with H and our mutual friends. Like this weekend, went wine tasting and out to dinner with a bunch of couples. Had a great time. Do you do things with your H as a "couple" and spend it with other M couples? It's important to "play" together too.
I was pretty damn tempted to go stay the night with a friend when H refused to have a conversation with me the other night. I was thinking that maybe a couple weeks on the couch at a friend's house might bring some perspective for both of us. What would you have done?
 It doesn't really matter what I would have done because I am not in your M. But your idea to stay on a friends couch doesn't really sound like it would have much effect on your H to tell you the truth. He seems to greatly enjoy getting his way even to the point of seeing you miserable so you leaving would probably just make him feel like"ok, she's gone, I can do what I like now without her pestering me."
Now, if you set the boundary that if he did not show some genuine attempts to improve the M right now (it's been two years!), then you were going to follow through on a legal separation, maybe that would have more impact? Maybe not though. Not sure what he is truly thinking, obviously.
But I know I am blind to whatever it is that you guys see. Tell me what to do and I will try consider it. I will.
 First off, these are only suggestions and you should obviously consult your MC since she sees how BOTH of you interact within the M (at least in the MC office).
That said, I will state that I see a very dysfunctional/controlling/abusive M, but I coming from my own personal perspective. Have you talked about that in MC? Does the MC see your interactions as abusive?
I cheated on him. Now, all bets are off and he is choosing the lesser of two evils for the benefit of his kids. Or so he says.
 Anyone who says they are staying for the kids (btdt myself at a certain point ) is covering up a ton of hurt or they really have one foot out the door and are biding their time. Not sure if you covered this yet, but is there any chance your H is having an A? Had an A? Won't wear his ring? And if he states he is staying for the kids, can you assume the M officially ends when they go off to college? That is a loooong ways off? Can you see yourself living like this that long? Can he?
The two of you are basically roommates now anyways. What's to prevent the two of you from having your needs met outside the M? He is setting up the same scenario that led you to the first A. I'm sure your H is not stupid so what is going on here? Is he simply testing you to see if you will stray? Is he testing himself? That test will surely fail eventually under these conditions.