whoa... how do you know he was lying? did he say this to you or on the radio?
No one needs to accept being lied to. You can simply call him on it:
"Really, I'm surprised to hear you say that. My understanding was _______________. So, my impression is that you are lying to me. I respect your choice to keep some things private, but please do just that. I do not need to hear covering lies. I feel used and disvalued when you do lie to me. To be clear, I am NOT OK with it."
The other thing you can do is to ask yourself why this lie is pissing you off so much. Is it because you are still acting as though you are in a committed monogomous R? People lie all the time to others about personal matters. I expect you have even lied to people close to you at times about what is going on with SO.
People in multiple partner dating relationships lie all the time about the other Rs to the other Ps. In a sense, they feel like it isn't any of the other person's business, especially when it has been made clear they aren't in a committed monogomous R. They don't advertise their other dates.
Are you expecting to be the privileged player in this who has the real scoop? Is that why you are angry? You are the one choosing to accept being one of a few (or many, who knows).
Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't. Only you know when the costs outweigh the benefits here. But, as long as you continue to play his game and not set and enforce different boundaries, I'm not sure why you are angry that he is playing his game as well. Maybe you need to step back to an R in which it is OK if someone lies to you about going to graduation. Of course, you might want to let him know why you are withdrawing in a direct way. "I'm going to have to back off from our friendship while you work things out until you can be more honest with me. I'm uncomfortable with the lies and do not feel that I am respecting myself by continuing to tolerate them."
You are keeping so much inside and are so closed to him, I expect you tell him little white lies all the time. Indeed, I know you do. When he asked you what was wrong, you lied and did not tell him the out of town trip was bothering you. You keep your suspicions inside that breed anger and resentment. Even when they turn out to be false, as with MF and the wedding, you remain pissed because you "had to" keep your mouth shut. You didn't have to.
I suggest you try something different -- start expressing yourself. Talk about YOURSELF and YOUR FEELINGS, not him. Quit worrying about how he will react to your authentic self.
"Gee SO, I didn't know it showed. I was feeling some pain because something you said reminded me of your out of town trip. I feel abandoned and lonely when I think of it. And, yuck, I feel jealous and stupid and used because I believe someone else will be with you."
Criminy, if he wonders aloud why you don't believe him, why don't you simply tell him directly. "I know that X is true but you told me not-X."
Anyway, please try to shake yourself out of this victim attitude. You are choosing to maintain in an R with him at a point in time in which he cannot be honest with you. In a way, you may be helping him stay stuck in that place. He is afraid to be honest with you and as long as you tolerate the lies, that is the easier way to go. You can insist on full disclosure of everything, but you are unlikely to get it. You can give him space to keep things private while also refusing to tolerate dishonesty. You can do whatever you want to do. Quit making it about what will get result X from him and make it about what works for you.
OH, and PLEASE get your hand looked at! What are you thinking???
