Very Ironic you should post that link....I found it last week and printed it out. I actually find myself saying (to myself) "Not gonna dance, not gonna dance" when I see us heading in the same direction or role as usual.
Had a very odd weekend. Hurt/cut my hand pretty bad yesterday, probably should go to ER, but am typing limply....excuse spelling errors.
Let's see...Thursday...I allowed myself to thik of some of the "bad" things that have gone on....it made me question exactly what I'm doing. X (yes, I guess I can say EX now) SO, is so NOT the person he used to be. I wonder where that man went. I see now that we've gotten into another "comfortable" phase - that needs to change imemdiately. Anyway, I started backing away again - didn't speak much with him; he tried to engage me in some talks, I stopped them. Friday, he emailed me - I sent one back saying blah,blah - have a good day. End of emails to him. He emailed/called/ then tried to IM me...I ignored them. He then emailed me asking if he could come out here and sleep Friday...remember he forgot his suit/trailer for his Saturday wedding...I called him, trying to talk him out of it. The first thing I said was "Thanks for asking before assuming" - that caught him off-guard. I reminded him al the kids were here, 2 of them sick - he said he still wanted to. In the meantime his mother popped in on the way to her sisters for the weekend (2 hours north). When he got here, we all ate, I put the kids down, his mom left. He started watching a show I had recorded and asked me to sit with him and watch it. I said No - I need to nap as I was starting to catch what the kids have. I went in and fell right to sleep. Somewhere in there - he came in and went to sleep. I got up and we all did our thing - he needed to get up around 6:30. He woke up before anyone could wake him and got ready for work. He gave me a kiss as he was leaving and said he would call me later. I told him that was OK, we'd all talk to him tomorrow before he left.
He did text me saying thanks for letting him stay the day and I answered with "no problem - talk to you tomorrow". When I went to bed, I unplugged the phone. He did call during the night, I heard the other phone ring (gotta shut that off too) and let the machine pcikup.
Saturday morning he called and I was a little terse. He said he called, I said I know - he said why didn't I answer, I said I had the phone unplugged. He said "you know I always call to say good nite to you", I said you dont have to do that. He said I just don't want you to think there's anyone here. I said well, things change - I don't need to know anything. You don't have to call...or be in so much touch with me or anything. He said he was on his way to pick up MF that was going to help him with his out of town wedding....3 hour drive away. I told to "just leave me alone" and "I really didn't care anymore". {BTW - I didn't really believe this guy was going with him}. Convo ended.
About an hour later, the phone rang and it was him. I wasn't going to pick up - then figured he would just keep calling & bothering me. Well, turns out, he blew the engine in his truck and needed me to bring him mine. He said to bring the kids, we would all have to go with him...I did not want to do this...I mean, I didn't mind letting him have my truck, but I wasn't going to this thing with the kids. Anyway, I got the tools, hitch, etc, that he needed and me & the girls headed to meet him....an hour away. He called my cell and I reminded him that his mother was at his aunt's at a town that he would have to pass...I told him to call her and see if she could meet us and me/kids would go with her.
The whole hour driving to where he was, my stomach was a knot...I felt it was the moment of truth. If I saw OW with him, I was turning around and leaving him stranded. Screw that. The closer I got, the more tense I got....
I get there...and lo & behold, his MF really was with him. I guess if OW was with him, he would never had called me. LOL. Anyway...I had to use the restroom and as he as now about 2 hours late heading to this wedding, I ran toward the gas station entrance and somehow my hand bounced off the brick facade, leaving a gaping hole between my pinky & ring finger (when I say hole - I mean I can look into it and see my muscle. Yuck.). It also felt like I broke or jammed my knuckle or something.....it didn't really bleed, but my whole hand was shaking...I actually tried to hide it from him, then asked if he got his mom and he said yes, that we would meet her in the town and she would then drive me & girls back home while he headed up to the wedding. He said he got another MF to tow his truck back to our house. During the drive, this guy was talking to me, saying nice to finally meet you NM, I finally get to meet all the family...??? We were also talking about vacations we had gone up near where his wedding was...wierd.
We meet his mom; this is surprising - he grabs me & plants a big kiss on my lips in front of everyone & hugs me, I call you later, balh blah then he heads 2 hours on North up the road...we head South (2 hours) back home.
Later on....I'm watching the race and its about midnite when I hear a truck pull in. the drive...I look outside and it's MF coming to pick up the car trailer to go get SO's truck...I go down and talk to him, not believing how late it was...tell him if he wants to put it off until tomorrow...he said he had to do it now because he to work....I tell him if he needed to stay here, I'd put stuf fout for him on the couch...asked if he talked to SO....he said not since 1-2 in the afternoon...I said me neither...he should be on his way back....getting back into cell range...
After friend left, I called SO...he was about one hour North of where his truck was broken down...I said Friend just left, so you guys should probably be there at the same time....he said OK, but that he was now having problems with MY truck. Jiminy crickets!
About 1 AM, the phone rings and he says "You're not going to believe this"...the alternator & regulator went as he was driving on the interstate....he made it without lights to where his truck was parked (and friend was with tow trailer!!) and instead of towing that, they're towing MY truck home and he'd have to get the other one today. Momma mia. What a mess. He ended up getting here around 3...came in the bedroom to see me, I was up, but in bed, came in sat down next to me,thanked me again and gave me another kiss, then grabbed his car because he still had to bring MF to HIS truck. He then went to his apartment...
Today, when he got here...he took his mom and D7 and they went to get his truck...his mother left...he said he could only stay a short while as he had to meet another wedding client. We talked about the whole mess yesterday, me pushing that *I* need a newer vehicle and he can have mine! He thanked me for helping him again - I said "It's what any friend would do for another friend." He stuttered "What?" and looked at me. He apologized for leaving me without a vehicle for the night, but that he'd be here as early as he could tomorrow with the parts to fix it. Then we'd figure out what to do...re: either a new vehicle or repair his (again). He left and said he'd call later...I said it was ok, he didn't have to...he said "No, I call YOU later." I just looked at him, with I hope, was a "whatever" look. He did call twice - the 1st time I we couldn't really hear anything on his cell; the 2nd I didn't have to talk to him because I was upstairs putting D3 to bed....
Lately, I'm feeling no reason to talk to him...no reason to associate with him...nothing. I helped him out over the weekend...but, I felt bad - more about the people who's wedding he was certainly going to ruin by not getting there....I was quite surprised that he hadn't lied to me about who was going with him to the wedding...that's sad. Because I really didn't believe him. I had kept it to myself, of course. I don't know.....I don't know what's going on with me, all I know is that I/we? need to get out of this comfort zone ?; rut? stagnated limbo-land (loL) somehow...and I'm going to have to be the one to do it.
And now, no deep thoughts for me... My hand is throbbing.
