yeah, I know it was light-hearted joking... the problem is that this area is so hard to take a real look at that people cover their reactions by refusing to look at them... you and GH included... it is easier to laugh than cry... and sure, sometimes it is even a better idea, but don't lose site of yourself.
Sex when you want to ML doesn't feel good, but it is easy to pretend it does. It sounds to me as though you are using it to feel connected to SO and have him meet your emotional needs in some way. It may not be good for you to be having him be a source of your emotional well-being right now. Then again, maybe you are really in a place where you can actively choose to take this risk for your own reasons in your own interest without any expectations...
BTW, not to sound harsh, but ongoing sex is nothing special. Plenty of people here have done it, though most often it is, as in your case, with a WAH and an LBW. You could also ask yourself how many people have much more of an R along other dimensions that you don't have with SO -- a business R, a best friend R, a very active co-parenting R... Most people have some fraction of an R with a WA, your fraction just happens to be sexual, which is a lot more risky for you along several dimensions than many of the other fractions you could have been left with. The problem that happens with many of these fractions of Rs is that all they serve to do is to make the WA comfortable as they are able to maintain that part of the R that is most important to them as long as they need it until they finally also wean off that fraction. I don't know of any LBSs who are choosing which fractions they settle for, after all.
I expect you may think I'm being mean. But, your response to me suggests that you are wanting/expecting alot more from this sex than casual sex with someone who is keeping his options wide open with other women and who has done nothing to suggest he is any more committed to you today than two months ago.
Re the childcare thing, most fathers work five days a week and still see their kids everyday. I'm glad he is at least seeing them more than once a week, which is the impression I had.
Re the OW and the kids -- I'm not sure what you think a court would do. They are his children. Introducing them to his friends is not illegal. I'd think about all you can do here is settle on what your behavior will be if he does XYZ and share this boundary directly with him.
