yes - the ever elusive sun has disappeared again...so here I am!
Quote: You are sounding good too, in general. Detached, moving forward....
Thank you....I'm trying. And once again, thanks for another thought-provoking, insightful response.....
Quote: I actually think you calling him on his crap is a good thing. One suggestion -- why not work on directness rather than controlling your facial expressions? It sounds like you are reaching a point where you can communicate directly without expectations rather than having to fake stuff so you aren't pursuing H. Directness is also a great way to avoid the need for sarcasm...
Yes - I was so stuck in the sarcastic-mode, that directness has been elusive. I'm working on it. And, yes, I'm getting tired of his crap. I'm sure that will start to come through a lot more in the future. I do have to work on my directness and communication.......
Quote: I'm a little confused by your acceptance of the one-night-a-week Dad. Is this something acceptable to you in an SO, H, or co-parent? This seems like a very unfair arrangement to me. Perhaps you should think about what a reasonable amount of participation as a parent from SO would be and ask for it. Either that, or forget getting a job and ask him to pay you as his nanny.
Funny you should that - just last week there was this article on how much a stay-at-home mom would make if she was paid for all she does. Yes - I emailed it to him. LOL
Seriously - I'm dealing with it. He works Tuesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights. WTH choice do I have? He does come here Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays. Sporadic Saturdays depending on his schedule. It *IS* an unfair arrangement - unfair to our kids. I'm looking at like this - IF I move back to my home state, a thought in the back of my mind, well, I'm going to be a single mom, wihtout him around too much except for every other weekend or whatever. Or - another really bad scenario - but what if he were to drop dead because he's working so damned much? I'll be without a co-parent then, that's for sure.
Right now, I'm still here, still trying to find a job....I admit to slacking off for other reasons I wont get into right now...but, I'm trying to deal with this one step at a time. I will not push him to take the kids. I repeat - I WILL NOT. WHY? You may ask next....well......
1. They are his kids too, he has the choice to see them or not to see them. What he loses out with them is HIS problem, not mine. In the long run, HE has to deal with his R with his kids and what he did/didn't do. If he wants to run away, bury himself in more & more work, well, then he can go right ahead. His loss. Yes, the kids loss, too. But I cannot force him to spend more time with them.
2. OW factor and his crap when he did take them and forced D7 to lie to me about OW being there. Should something like that happen again - I WILL take him to court. I won't EFF around with this. NO WAY - NO HOW. He blew it last time. Asking a 7 year old to lie to her mother. Yes, I still have some unresolved anger regarding this. I'm still mulling the whole thing over - when I allow myself. Because if the truth be known - it may very well be the deal breaker for me. He messed with our kids. That was wrong. And I don't really give a sh*t whether he's MLC, WA, or just a plain old liar & cheat. It was a big mistake. And until I can rationally resolve it, it's a no-go. Besides, with his work schedule, it really is a no-go. He painted himself into a corner (purposely???) by taking on Saturday nights. Once again - his loss.
Quote: I suggest throwing out all your panties with holes and bras with blown underwires and getting some decent undergarments.
Once again - ironic. I wrote a list of 180's last night. At the top - RED BRA/PANTIES! LMAO
Quote: BTW, how is the sex outside of a monogomous committed R working for you? I hope it is OK, though I'm a little puzzled why you would choose to have casual sex with someone who is a source of emotional distress for you. And, no, I do not mean that sarcastically. If you have reached a point where you are happy with what you are getting without having expectations for more, then enjoy it. I just don't think it will really work for you very long.
A lunchtime fearF or comfortF is not likely to be good for you. If you simply wanted a nooner, that is different.
Just remember, you don't need to have sex to not abandon SO as you have done in the past. For one thing, you can simply tell him in a straightforward manner that you are done being one of the mares in the stable -- should he choose to pursue a different R with you, you are open to it, at least right now. But, he would have to respect your boundaries. For another thing, you have not abandoned and cannot abandon him in this case -- HE LEFT THE R.
Yes, I know. The sex thing has always been an issue of debate for me. However, I think as I get stronger, more self-confident, get my sh*t together, I'll be able to make a better decision on this. Right now - no, I DON'T have any other expectations from him. I'm not going to win him back with sex - yet, there really seems to be an incredible openess between us there. I don't know how to explain. It could be that he's just getting his rocks off. But I don't think so. And, while I'm not exactly "happy" with just sex....I still take it as a positive that he wants to sleep with me. Look around - how many others aren't sleeping together? Can I also say that I'm also learning things about myself (and him) in the bedroom as well? I've been wanting to post about this, yet have held off. Don't know if this is the proper forum for it or not...lol. Who the hell knows - maybe "I" am using HIM to discover my sexual self. Would that make me just as bad as him? Some of it correlates to an R outside the bedroom as well.
Then again, maybe subconsciously I'm afraid of cutting that last "tie". I don't know. However, I AM sure that once I'm ready to do it, I will. I do know that much about myself. In the meantime, as I "fix" myself in others ways, I'm just going to ride this train until I feel like getting off. Puns definitely intended.
PS....RE: GH & others...I think it was merely tongue in cheek. I was going to post that I'd rather be where GH is in his R....but I think it was just light-hearted joking more than anything else.
