Finally....the sun is out after about 2 weeks of rain!! I can't wait to get outside today!

Thanks GH & PARob....glad I'm not really a whacko and others feel along the same lines as me. Again, last night in those moments right before I fell into a deep sleep, I had some clarifying insights, yet this morning they somehow escape me again. Oh well.

I read thru a lot of old threads last night - specifically the 180's; DB 101 principles. Found some interesting info I can use. Duh! I felt so stuck in what I can do as a SAH mom....with SO only normally committing himself to 2 days a week (Mon & Wed) being here with the kids. (And now Wed is taken away for the next month due to a contest at his work that he's required to be at. F$%^*!$$!.)

Anyway, it seems we need to remind ourselves periodically of all the "Basics"....it really helps to go back and read this stuff from the "oldtimers (BTW - where IS she???) - good, important, vital info - especially to all the newcomers popping up around here. Sometimes we swap info/give advice that is so totally off the mark - it's good to remind ourselves of the basic principles. I urge everyone to go surf thru the old advice.

OK - 180's: Stupid little things I've never thought of: Home Depot courses! Yes - Gonna look into that. New clothes. i.e. - I normally wear workout kind of wear around the house - have to - kids, poop, etc. LMAO. Guess I can update that look with some newer stuff. I've lost so much weight, none of my old stuff really fits anymore. Good excuse. lol Anything to boost my self-confidence.

I also read in someone's thread about the WA Parent coming off as the Disneyland kind of parent - you know, the one who comes in and does all the fun stuff with the kids...reminded me that I need to do those kinds of things with the kids, too. A little hard with the baby being so young, but not impossible. It does cause my D7 to miss out on some things, but I'm going to try and get MIL (lack of better word) to commit to some days to babysit so that I can plan some outings with my sister and her D7.

Oh yeah - still haven't changed the answering machine message. Have to do that. Also, turn the answering machine OFF!! LOL. I'm also debating the idea of emptying my bedroom of all the things that he left here.....he's got a dresser/closet full of clothes. In another thread, I read it's a positive thing he's left personal items...but then again - he doesn't live here anymore! WTF do I need them cluttering up my room? Thoughts on this appreciated. I think I'll probably end up just neatly stuffing everything into the corner of the closet that I don't use. LOL

I guess I'm finally coming around. I'm tired of dwelling on what went wrong. I know what went wrong. However, I will not pay for my mistakes of the past for the rest of my life. SO will miss out on a lot of good things. That is his choice. His choice has led me down this road...one of self-improvement and facing the things that are not as I'd like them to be (about myself). I understand that this is not something that should ever end....rather - a lifelong commitment, to myself, as well as whatever R I'm in. Boy - someone remember to point these words out to me on the days I feel like crap!! LOL

Recap of yesterday - SO came here but I mostly stayed away from him. Well, that is after Funch. LMAO. That's a new word I learned, BTW. I forgot about some books I bought out of the bargain bin when I was in Florida...lol...one was about sex. Found it the other day and read some of it. This was a word I'd never heard of before....along the lines of a "nooner". LOL So, GH, BI43 - don't hate me too much.

Anyway, afterwards, I made him get out of bed and go mow the lawn (otherwise he would have slept the afternoon away). It was still cloudy out, but the rain had stopped...just long enough to get some of it started. I told him I would do it once the rain stopped, but he insisted he would. Ok, go for it, then. LOL. I tried to nap, then decided to go buy some flowers for the yard and do some errands. Headed out for a bit. When I got back, he was mostly done with the yardwork and had to do some work on his truck.

He's got this out of town wedding this weekend - something that's needling me - the fact he chose not to ask me to go with him - but then, again why would he?? {Little side note, don't think OW is going with him. Can't be sure, but I inadvertently heard (on another radio station) it's her college's graduation this Saturday. So, I don't think she'll be going with him - another reason this needles me that he chose not to ask me. Oh well.} and needs to get the truck done for the trip. Normally, I would pop down into the garage every now & again, seeing if he needed anything - yesterday, I didn't. Not even once. Stayed in the house, made dinner, called everyone when it was ready. We ate, he went back out, I stayed in the house.

Another thing, when he left, I noticed he didn't take his dj trailer. I thought that was odd. I was going to call/text him, like I have done in the past when I notice he's forgotten something. But i didn't. I'm not his mother. And I also thought, maybe I was wrong - maybe he didn't need the trailer, not likely - but possible. So, I let it go. Took a little restraint, but, hell, he's a big boy. And I CAN'T SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS! And, lo & behold, this morning I get an email that he not only forgot his trailer, but his suit as well. LMAO!! I sent him an email back, never once referencing that I had already realized the trailer part of it, mind you, but I teased that he forgot them on purpose just so he had to come out here. LOL Yeah, a little flirting, a little different way of how I would usually handle it.

I think I'm rambling on....yet I'm finding this therapeutic today. Thinking about the things I want to do....MY future. Independent of SO.

Good day to all!!