Quote: I mean, he obviously didn't have difficulties getting out of our R when it wasn't going good - what's the problem now?
NM, I hate to see you in this mood but as Rob said, it happens. It's how you get out of it that is the important part.
Anyway, I'm not addressing the "serial" nature of his cheating that OT often suggests with this, but why do you think he didn't have difficulties getting out of your R? Do you think he just woke up one day and decided that things were not going good and took up with OW? No, this process of him thinking things were not going well took time to develop and then once they did, his idea that he could/should seek something outside the marriage also took time to develop.
I THINK you may be selling him a little short in the emotional attachment realm because he is clearly attached to OW, just as he at some point was to you (and still is BTW) so it may just take some more time for things to cool down there.
Look, like I said, if he turns out to be a serial cheater, then maybe all bets are off. I just can't help reading more about your sitch (you leaving with the kid, him wanting marriage and you squashing the idea) and not feeling that there is a lot of complicated issues driving this thing, not just general unhappiness by SO. There is probably years of resentment, pain, lack of trust and uncertainty that fuel BOTH of your emotions these days.
Looking in from the outside, it seems to me that because of a number of circumstances, you two have never really had a stable life together, one that fosters a sense of security and portends a future for a unified family.
I don't know what's going through SO's head right now but no matter WHAT's going through HIS head, what should be going through yours is finding that place where you can once again focus on you and stop trying to figure him out. Try to realize that just as in my sitch, things can get pretty confusing as the WAS looks like they are trying to come back. Your anger and frustration may reach an all time high as you try to reconcile your detachment with your need to talk to him and figure things out...like you would with someone you are in a real committed R with.
I know it sucks but you CAN pull out of this. You've done it before and each time, you learn a little more about yourself and what you are capable of. Do it again and learn what a strong, wonderful woman you are, and then get back to the business of building on that strength and "wonderfulness".
