I wish I could see whatever it is you all are seeing because I'm really having difficulties the last few days. I really need to read over the book again, but I keep putting it off. I put it off because when I read it, it makes me hopeful. And I don't feel like being hopeful.
I just can't deal with all the untruthfulness. I know, I know, it's isn't something I should expect with OW involved. And I don't "expect" it. I know that I need to continue to act as if. It' so hard when he's telling me one thing and then doing something else.
For instance, something I remembered from the other day - he says cryptic things about us. How he thinks about me all the time; how's he's thinking of me differently, he knows he has deep feelings for me, blah, blah, blah. He's started saying that his R with OW is not going well...now, before he never used to say anything other than it was wonderful. So telling me this is new territory we're covering...yet, my reaction is "then get the hell out of it". I mean, he obviously didn't have difficulties getting out of our R when it wasn't going good - what's the problem now? And that thinking gets me upset and mad and basically nowhere. Then I start thinking about even though he's saying one thing, the fact is - he's still involved with her. And that's by HIS choice. He could choose not to. Uck. I wish I could just shut my mind off.
I know how I should be...simply having difficulties with myself. Maybe it's the weather. It's been rainy and cold for the last several days and I'm tired of being cooped up. I guess I still haven't learned the true detachment trick.
