Hey - Thanks Everyone! I appreciate everyone stopping by!

Yes - Ellie - those are the words he needs to hear. Sorry OT. He's not a "word" guy. I'd probably be even better off quoting a scene from a movie to get him to understand.

And NO! NM, did not bite the bait...didn't even swim close. As a matter of fact, I was thinking about what he said on the phone and followed it up with an email that said:
"I can't tell you what to do, nor do I want to. If you're expecting me to be the same old way, I'm not about to slip back into that. Our old relationship is dead, SO. And whatever we make of the future remains to be seen. If you have to find someone to have sex with, I can't do anything about that. If you want to explore something different with me, I see interesting possibilities."

Little things that used to bug me before, or I thought were "vital" - well, they're really not so important, I've found out. Not in the grand scheme of things. I've learned to let go of so many inconsequential things. I've learned so much about what's important vs. trivial things that only *seem* important and block the way.

Whether SO and I ever reconcile or not, I have learned an incredible amount about how R's work...what it takes to make them work...the commitment needed to withstand time.

OT - I've been thinking a lot about what you said if he has done this before. When we 1st got together, we moved in together from PA to FL within 3 months of knowing each other. He started his radio job and things started declining. To the point that we got into an argument, I said I was leaving, called my best friend who was in Ocean City at the time, and jumped on a plane by 7 AM the next morning. I had no intentions of going back. I was gone for 3 months. During that time, I know he dated others, as did I.

When he asked me to come back, his career started taking off and his head got bigger. He kept working more and more and more. 6 months later, I found myself pregnant and we both freaked out. I decided to keep the baby, not really giving him a say in the matter. 6 weeks after the baby was born, I waited for him to go to work, packed up a U-Haul with all my stuff and headed North. he had no idea. He came home to an empty house with me & the baby gone.

He wasn't cheating on me, but we had problems and neither one of us knew how to fix them. To me, running away seemed the only answer. I was 1500 miles from home, barely knew anyone in FL, his elderly, sick grandparents (that I was taking care of besides the baby) lived was us 6 months out of the year, and he was always working. He was on the Midnite to 7 AM shift at that time, plus day remotes. It was hard. So I ran, never telling him where I was, didn't speak a word to him for 2 months. Told my family to tell him I was at a friends in Virginia Beach, when in fact I was living in PA with my sister.

I did finally speak with him, as his family (that lived up North ) & I were in touch and they told me how devastated he was and how he was trying to find me. After 2 more months of us working on things long distance, I finally agreed to come back with our daughter. We both did what we thought were "working" on things. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see we didn't resolve anything. We then moved around the country for the next 2-3 years, until finally getting to where we are now in 2000.

Things were good until we decided to have Baby #2. A mutually agreed upon decision. Brought about by us actually seriously talking about marriage and buying a house. I really have no idea how it came to be that we would have another baby before getting married, yet that's what we decided. That baby came 2 months premature. In addition, his job was really making him a bigshot around our area. I was getting bitchier about it. He was working more. I was working full-time, plus the 2 kids, and his crazy work schedule. Then came OW #1. Carried on in secret, however I instantly "knew".

So, OT, it's with this "knowing", that I can say that No, to the best of my knowledge, he's never done this until 3 years ago.

When I found out about OW#1, I sat down with him and told him I was leaving with the kids. He ended it with her, we once again were trying to work on things, buy a house, deal with his success, talking marriage, then unexpected baby #3. I put the ki-bosh on getting married...and then OW#2 started immediately after the whole no to marriage thing.

And that's whole story....Don't know how relevant all this info is. I also don't know if this matters or not that when we met, he was only 23, with limited dating experience; limited "life" experience. I was 28 and had been living on my own for 10 years. Now it's almost 10 years that we've been together..or whatever you want to call it these days!

When I found out about this OW, we had just closed on the house and I was 4 months pregnant. I was adamant that we end our R and I was moving back to my home state with our kids. Then I thought, why the hell should I? My insurance wouldn't cover me in another state, our oldest daughter was in kindergarten, I had to think about the kids and the unborn baby. So I decided to move to the new house. This R with OW was never held in secret. He would waffle between us. Once the baby was born, I was too exhausted to really give a damn about anything. I then finally found this site....and that should bring us up to date! I know I talked about the first OW in an earlier thread, I just can't find it right now.

So, this is where I am. I am more inclined to believe that he's really "trying" this time. It's just that it's been going on long-term. And I've been doing things different as well - I really believe DB'ing helped a lot in so many different ways. I'm not the only one who's changed - I see how my changes have affected him as well. I believe that is big reason as to why I'm still here. (Both DBing and living here!)

I see how it's worked on various levels, and how much different "we" are with each other... I also happen think this is why he's so confused - I'm not the same old, same old; I think we're finally both realizing that our R could be more than it ever was. Does that make any sense?

Anway - Had a good night out. I ended up going to my sisters and some friends were over. SO was very concerned with what I was doing and who I was doing it with as I refused to tell him even which state I was going to be in...called about 4 times after I left, until I was out of service...I hit ignore each time....I did check my messages later on and he had a left 2 messages. I did call him back around midnite...got his VM...he called my sisters house about 10 minutes later, but I wouldn't answer - he left a message both at her house, and I found 2 more messages on my cell..one after he called sis' house and one from around 3 AM.

When I got home, there was also a couple of calls from him at the same times on the house phone...seems he really had no idea what I was doing!! LOL I called him around 3 that afternoon to let him know we were back...he was already on his way here after his work remote.

He did say some things to me on Saturday before I left, but I'll be darned if I can remember what they were exactly - more of the same, probably why I don't care to remember.

This whole thing is, quite frankly, just getting on my nerves. Now, at a time when I should probably have the most patience because it seems he ready to get off the fence - well, I'm rapidly losing it all.

I emailed him asking him what his "concerns" were...with him, me, if there was ever an "us" again. Told him there was no going further without some kind of answer. I think he can sense my impatience? My OK, I've had enough of this crap and am moving on without you! He brought it up today when he was here, but says he doesn't know. I told him until he did know, we were at an impasse.

I don't know if any of this post makes sense...I know it's all over the place - but, I'm not even going to read it over. LOL I'm too tired.