This is really hard. I don't think SO fully comprehends the reasons why I need to keep contact to a minimum. He thinks I'm being mean, or it's some kind of payback or something. I kept a list of the contact he had with me - I was going to post them in detail, but I'll just post it this way: 9 phone calls; 7 emails. In 24 hours. Oh wait, just got another email while trying to post this!! LMAO

My biggest wonder is if I've shown him enough of the improved me, expressed things in a way that shows how we could find ways to fulfill what was missing in our R enough - before taking it away from him.

I think about one year ago - and how opposite things were then. He never completely cut off contact with me - but there wasn't the amount that there is today. OW was fulfilling everything for him at that time.

Is the tide turning - is he turning to me now for the EA (let alone PA) that he was once having with OW? Certainly feels that way at times. Will stopping contact squash what was seemingly growing again? This is my struggle. Continuing to give him the things he needs from me, while moving forward without him. Seems like a paradox.

I wonder too, how much of this is MLC, or just WA. I've read the MLC stuff so many times - he just doesn't fit into it all....yet, then again he does such a superb job of keeping everything inside, that he may have the characteristics and I just can't see them. It goes along with his whole radio show "act", he can be PO'd on the inside and smile & laugh with a listener at the same time because he's trained himself to do that....so, how does that "act" fit in to his personal life?

I really need this break, though. I need to really focus on where "I" want to go from here. Is it time to tell him what I want from him? Point blank, directly -take the chance? If he wants X with me, then I need Y first. It may be. That's something I have to think about as well.

Boundaries, goals...still trying to get them in order. I'm not allowing myself to think about too much right now. I've been staying away from the computer, even fromt his sight (sorry guys)...just to keep my mind in a happy place.

What I really want is to just get my house in order, get some home improvements done, get a better routine with the kids, get someone to commit to watching them for me on a bi-weekly basis so that I can start going out with friends more regularly. It's funny - because in none of this am I including SO. Have I finally got it right??? LOL