Quote: but to match people who can help each other heal and grow.
I fully agree with this statement.
I don't blame God for my attraction to OM or anything that has happened between us I only said that I think God allows situations in our lives ?as a test or a learning process maybe? We are the ones who choose between right and wrong, not God. I chose to respond to OM's advances, I sinned against God, my husband and my child, myself for that matter. I went against everything I knew to be right and chose wrong (sinned). but I came to a place where I did make a choice not to continue, at least not to go further physically. I have repented and I am trying to find the answers to save my marriage. I am human and cannot deny that I had an attraction, that I struggle with the thoughts and memories. I also wish I wasn't in this place, that nothing would have happened, that I wouldn't have let myself get swept into this situation, but I did and now I have to deal with the guilt and shame and even though I know God forgives, I'm struggling with accepting that forgiveness. Another thing you pointed out, that I'm afraid of the humiliation? To a point yes, I'm embarrased that my husband doesn't pursue me, that sexual encounters with him are few and far between, that I have to initiate it if i want it that I can't figure out or get out of him what turns him on or off. That is humiliating, but I'm not going to feel like It's all me because I know its not that other men are not attracted to me and i'm open to go counsel. My H, is the one I'm working on to go. He says he's willing to go but when I've tried to make appts. its never the right time or our schedules conflict and we cant get appts. It's been difficult but I'm not giving up. Right now he's happy just as things are and I'm trying not to nag. He did suggest a "weekend to remember" seminar which we are planning to go to. I think it's a good start. Just pray for me and if you have any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to send them my way though I think I've tried just about everything. One more thing, I just about finished reading the sex starved marriage and am going to try a few suggestions from the book. maybe it will help.
