Thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayer. I have been looking into Legal Separation but I guess am not fast enough as the OW had the baby last night. My H called at 11PM last night and told me. There were complications and the baby is at another hospital due to liquid in its lungs from the c-section. My H is going between two hospitals today.
My H was supposed to come home this weekend but don't anticipate this happening and don't know what the kids will think as he may not be coming home for several weekends to come. I don't feel it's up to me to tell them and feel kind of stuck. As Bowtech said I know I will need to yield my will to God. As Jesus said "Not my will, but thine be done." I know God has a plan for me I just need to keep listening.
However, if anyone has any ideas I'm all ears. You guys have been great.
Have a question. This is really bothering me. My H seems so sure this baby is his he's not concerned about a paternity test. I guess I want to ask him to do the test for me just because it would somehow finalize it for me. Do you think this would be the wrong thing to do?
hopenfaith, i think that your H probably will defend that he is sure that the bab y is his b/c he can't think that she would cheat on him even though he cheated on you they don't put the 2 together as being wrong. anyway I would just say to him you should find out for sure for insurance purposses and child care cost b/c he could pay for a child that is not his for 18yrs. anyway I don't know if it will help at all but maybe your lawyer if you get one could request one. i really hope you work through it. Joa.
I guess the reason I would like to know the most, even if H were still to choose the OW, (even if the baby wasn't his)would be for some kind of closure, but also if he is going to tell the kids , which he is, it seems like to definitely know would be the best. This is going to be a huge blow to them anyway. After all you are telling them they have a sister, amongst other things.
I'll have to talk to the lawyer about this. Thank you for your imput.
I think what you're saying about the cheating is so right. I know right now his heart strings are also pulling towards the infant, it would be hard not to, they are so precious. I would think it would be hard to think that it wasn't yours when your looking at it and holding it, especially when it is so small and has had problems.
I've just sent an e-mail to my H about the paternity testing. He wrote me an e-mail about wanting to come up this weekend and feeling he need to tell the boys and was sorry that it was such bad timing.
This is how my e-mail went:
Quote: Hi
I don't know how to say this but I sure wish you could do a paternity test before you tell the boys. I know you feel positive but I would feel better if I could feel positive, plus it might help me over all in how I deal with it all. I don't know if you understand but that's just the way I feel. If you still want to tell them this weekend it's up to you but this is how I feel.
My H got his ow pregnant; we do not have kids (not by choice) and he insists this child is his even though he can't possibly know for sure without a test. We are meeting in a couple of weeks with a mediator to talk about legal sep. Same problems: he can't accept that maybe this child isn't his; he hasn't told anyone but me about this; can't seem to figure out how he will tell his family; is very scared. Things are a real mess. I feel getting a legal sep. is the best thing right now. After one year we could get a D if either of us want to. We are also looking to sell our house and I am going to relocate. I just wanted you to know you are not alone although you probably felt like you were. I don't have great advice only because I am dealing with the same thing right now and haven't yet solved my own problem. All we can do is take it day by day I guess. I am sorry this has happened to you. Personally I understand the desire for the paternity test and if there is any legal way YOU can insist on one, I'd do so.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
