My H really doesn't want a D but doesn't feel there is any other way as the OW is basically destitute and told him she would have the baby w/or w/o him. He feels responsible and doesn't want the child raised in poverty. He's afraid if he doesn't take care of her and the baby she will disappear and he will never get to know his child. She disappeared on him once before. He also doesn't want to take the child from her as she never thought she would ever have a child again, as she has had several abortions from abusive boyfriends. I'm realistic to know that there may also be something more to his emotional feelings for her right know too. What's not to love about a woman who is glowing, as we know pregnancy, especially one you never thought would happen, makes one glow. She has two other children from another boyfriend and has not been able to raise them and can't wait to finally raise one. There's problems there too. My H wants nothing to do w/these kids, but my feeling is it could become an issue. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that they are both so willing to just give up on, forget, I don't know what the right term would be, their other families. Supposedly her children and her family are looking forward to the new child but I don't think they realize that the time they would normally share w/her will now be taken up, as my H doesn't realize either.

My H has a friend that met, dated and eventually married someone from the internet. She had a 5 yr old child and he had custody of his two teens. When she moved in his kids moved to their mothers. He gave up on them and placed more importance on this new family. He ended up divorcing this woman, she was really messed up and totally messed up his life. His kids have started to revisit their dad but they have gotten into a lot of cr****p. One may even be in prison for DUI now. I just hope my H knows what he's doing, but really feel he doesn't and the hardest thing is I can't do anything about it or convince him of it. I would love to go to a counsellor but H has been pretty much against it the whole time. Although he does say at times that he knows he needs therapy. He will have to be the one to decide on that, I am more than willing. As far as a pastor, we live in a small community and even though he believes in God, church has not been his thing.

I've been checking things out. I want to find out exactly what Legal Separation entails, it may be the best thing and fastest thing to protect the childrens interests and be as equitable as possible. I know some people would say why but believe it or not I do still care and probably always will. I've just reached a point where I know I can't live like this. I don't feel it's fair that the children and I have been put in 2nd position, we both know what it feels like to be in 1st and it is very painful. We go places and he is constantly going to the restroom, I'm pretty sure to check his phone or text message her. Even the kids think it is excessive. I'm hoping before this week is up I can have something figured out. The worst case scenerio is that the baby comes sooner than anticipated. Others have said I lot of feelings could come out when this happens, where he'll not be as willing to listen to me and the OW may try to influence him that they need the money or assets to help raise the child. I'd like to not believe this but know that having children does make you very paternal and could cause you to think or do things you wouldn't normally do. Right know he wants to make sure we are taken care of (money is not what we need) but.....

Thank you for your response. It's nice to know there's people out there that care.