My H wants to get separate bank accounts, as I've expressed that I feel like I'm paying bills for the OW and maybe that's why their R works better because that is one hurdle they do not have to face together. He's always saying how much she doesn't want anything to do w/his money but she also would have no place to live or a vehicle, if it weren't for him .
Any recommendations or comments?
I love my H and do not want to put my H into any kind of a financial problem. My R w/him has never been about money and now I almost feel like that's all I am. Divorce would break up the balance of things. He claims that is not true but than turns around and says things like I don't have to worry about the OW she isn't out to get my money, or he says "I'll always be provided for, don't worry." Sometimes I wonder if he truely knows what we need, it's not money, that is not the provision we need. Unfortunatley as much as I'd like to have nothing to do with his money I do have to think about the kids so I have to swallow a little bit of my pride.
Other questions I have are about our housing. Right now it is cheaper for the kids to stay in our home then to split everything up and divide. Is there a way to maintain joint ownership in the case of either a D or separation? Is a separation better?
Part of my problem is that H is also having a baby w/OW and feels responsibility there. He also claims he wishes there were another way out but can't see one. He doesn't want to take the child away from OW but also doesn't want the child raised improperly due to lack of finance or proper home conditions and he wants to be the childs parent. He feels our children S18, S16 and S13 are old enough and don't need him as much. I truely don't want anything for myself but am concerned about our children. I guess this all sounds rather confusing and not very DBing. My H still expesses that he wants our family but has pulled away a lot. He says he figures he has to make the best of the cards that have been dealt to him, as he knows he truely screwed up and doesn't see how things could ever be the same again.
We have been on vacation for the past two weeks, one week traveling to see our son graduate from the Naval Academy and this last week moving things around our house. We put together an office room that we've (especially him) been wanted to do since we moved in. He was very depressed as we did this, because he was seeing all of his dreams/goals coming together and not being a part of them.
The baby's due in May and our children know nothing about it or our immediate families. My H is dreading telling all. What do you do? I don't know how much more confusing this could all be.
It's like we both want our family together, but he keeps moving further away, due to circumstances, and can't seem to see that anything else would work. I wonder if filing either Legal Separation or D papers is the only thing that will help him put his life together so that others, me and kids or even the OW and child or even just himself can go on with life. I know he's not happy trying to juggle it all. He always claims there's never any problems when he is with the OW but when he comes home he always feels depressed or guilty, shameful.
I keep thinking about a saying I heard that "Faith requires action"
Please any imput would be great, negative or positive. Anyone experience any of this, what did you do?
I've posted many postes but my main one is - trying to hold on, need help.
