FYI, I know of NO sitch in which OP simply disappeared the first time the WAS said they were gone. They always reappear, usually multiple times, and yes, the reappearances reveal yet another web of lies. Generally, this continues until the LBS sets a firm boundary that they intend to keep...
I'm really glad to hear your W is starting to get help, that is wonderful news no matter what. BTW, how much is being a people pleaser associated with ED? I think you are right that not being a b*tch is probably a big reason she has maintained contact with OM. Also, of course, it remains a way for her to act out against both you and herself.
Just take a stand. Tell her you want her to first conference you into a call to him (with you on mute) in which she tells him it is over and to then give you the secret phone.
Of course, even if she does that, be prepared for another tiny slip or two -- probably more because your boundary wasn't truly firm than anything else.
