This has not really been my best DBing week in a long time. Apparently, patience for me has been wearing thin and I think some things just more or less set me off over the weekend. Nothing quite overt, just recognizing that wanting a "normal" life shouldn't be so damn difficult. How is it that two people can profess love for each other and still find that everything is mucked up? So confusing. So yes, I find myself adding pressure to the situation and immediately recognizing that I shouldn't be adding pressure. I guess even a good dog has its bad days, but I just feel that there has been absolutely NO movement in my sitch.

I guess what has me really boggled this week is the fact that I feel that I have been doing absolutely everything that is within my power to A) identify and correct issues that I have had within the context of this M B) be supportive and understanding of my W's "issues" and C) be patient. In turn, my W is still romantically listless. To be fair, I do believe that a good portion of this stems from the underlying issues that are not being addressed by herself. I just know that I want more out of this relationship than what I currently have and not getting it is becoming even more frustrating. At times, I just believe that any movement, whether its in the right or wrong direction, would be welcome. At other times, I just honestly want her to do whatever it takes for her to get "better" and make her happy. The problem is...I don't think anything at this point will make her happy.

So I rant. I recognize that my W has some very serious underlying issues that require extra special TLC in my case but it all just seems so hopeless when she refuses to ackowledge that she needs help (no, I don't push the issue of seeking help, but I have mentioned it as a concern of mine).

In any event, I have my first C session scheduled for June 8; only wish it could be sooner. I'm guessing that these sessions should be real field days (if only I could have W join me.....). I guess to be honest, I feel a bit ashamed that I would need the insight of a professional, but alternatively I think its the only way that I am going to ever gain any type of insight on everything that is going on.

So today, I need to find my center. Re-focus and try to establish a PMA for the rest of the week.


"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu