I swear Rob, I don't make this stuff up to make you feel better, or like you're not alone. I swear our wives ARE the same people because my W has the same issues, and they've gotten worse since all this started.

My W actually has a little different problem in that she's actually gained a bit of weight since she lost her personal trainer ( ) and she is extremely unhappy about it. Add that to all the other unhappiness she has going on and it makes for some serious depression which, you guessed it, my W refuses to see anyone about.

I don't know what to tell you. The subject is taboo around my house too. I still manage to get across my concern for her but anything past that and she openly resists.

This also brings up the issue that was discussed last week about our W's not valuing or listening to our opinion of them. I KNOW it's not that easy, but as people/men, I think them not just agreeing with us when we tell them how great they look makes us feel like they don't respect our opinions. Add to that little hurt, the fact that during the peak of the affair, my W's self esteem was at an all-time high and so was her physical condition. Now that the A is semi-over, she is back to complaining 24/7 about her body and is not going to the gym anymore. Again, for me, I KNOW it's not about this but it just feels like OM "did it for her" in terms making her feel better about herself and now that she's "with me" again, she feels worse again. I tell her she looks great, give her specific compliments, validate, everything and still she seems to not give a damn what I think or say. Irrational, I KNOW, but I do feel that way sometimes.
I know it's all about how THEY feel about themselves but I know for me, if my W said I looked good, it would mean something but that's me, not her and to expect her to act like I would is unrealistic and not helping I suppose. Anyway, we had this whole complicated conversation last week around here and probably don't need to revisit it today.

Like I said, I can't help you much other than to say you're not alone in what you are feeling. I can only hope that with a more stable marriage and validating husband, my (and yours) W will be able to begin to see herself in a better light. I know I cannot force that on her, nor do I want to.

GH

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