I'm still here perusing the boards and trying to keep up with everyone's sitch. As for my story, things do seem to improving to some degree, but (and there's always that but) still not near where they should be I suppose. In actuality, I've found myself thinking about a lot of things differently these days and finding that while I'm not completely happy with the way things are today and maybe even tomorrw, I will accept them because they sure are a lot happier than they were six months ago. There has been closeness between my W and I, but we still havent' reached the point yet where she is comfortable with talking about making changes or addressing the issues that led to the A in the first place. All in good time I suppose...in the meantime, I still work to better myself.
Actually, the reason I post today is to hopefully gain some perspectives on a somewhat unique situation I am facing in my relationship (at least I believe it's unique). In the past, I have mentioned that my W is unhappy and down, and I attribute much of this to the fact that she is dealing with so many issues stemming from the EA, whether its confusion, guilt or a combination of both...there is no doubt that she is down. Surely depression is common among WAS', but my W's depression has manifested itself in a way that seriously has me concerned for her.
Let me explain....before I met my W and when she was a teenager, she was aneroxic/bulimic. Obviously, there are some deep seeded issues that contribute to such a disorder and I don't think these were ever fully explored with her. The point being, by the time I met her, she had moved beyond these disorders and was rather normal about her eating habits, although she fussed about her weight and still had a very negative body image and very low self-esteem. In short order, we found ourselves pregnant with D10 and, again, while she still had a negative body image, she never went to any great lengths to shed the weight and so forth. In fact, in all the years I've known her, this was never an issue, although she always felt as though she was overweight, etc.
Since the time that things have gone awry in our R, my W has dropped weight to an alarming degree. Today, she is 5 foot 6 inches and weighs a mere 98lbs. She doesn't eat any meals and only snacks on low fat, low calorie items (e.g., pretzel sticks). She is overly concerned with calories and fat intake. Sadly, she still thinks she isn't quite "there" yet in terms of weight, but from what I can gather she is "okay" with where she is at. She refuses to seek help because it likely would require her to take medication which, you guessed it, would likely cause her to gain weight. I know that typically eating disorders are a manifestation of an underlying personality disorder characterized by issues of control and perfection, and that the thing she is going through is the impetus for the weight loss (i.e., the only "thing" she has control of in this world of hers is weight loss...striving for a "perfect" body image that is unattainable).
The fact is, I am concerned for her, but as far as I know, she is maintaining the weight she is currently at, she just looks so damn frail. I want her to be happy and healthy and many days I wonder if I'm in the way of that...although she has told me that she couldn't be happy without me and our D's. I really just don't know what to do....I have told her that I am concerned. I had a talk with her last night and expressed these things to her....I told her that I loved her with everything I have and that I only want her to be happy and healthy. I told her that I was concerned about her obsession with weight loss (I didn't state in these terms) and I really felt that for her sake, she should seek the help of a professional. This is a really touchy subject for her and I only wanted to state my opinion and move on from it. The point is, I know that she is unlikely to do anything about it. She acknowledges that she is a "mess" but won't take steps to improve her quality of life. In turn, I am so confused as to what the right approach is.
sorry for the rambling, but these things are at the forefront of my thoughts today. I suppose I am gonna have to seek out professional help for guidance (I wonder if Dr. Phil is available ), but I wanted to see if anyone else is also experiencing the same sort of things.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
), but I wanted to see if anyone else is also experiencing the same sort of things. 
