Journaling: the continuation of my saga

[PArob]

Nice. I wonder if that was a typo (made sure that I was overly aggressive in sexual overtures) or if you meant that. Not that it's bad one way or another, just wondering.

OH Geez, this may be why I got the roast in your thread....lol. Yes, a definite typo....

I think in my case, much of my W's "jealousy" about me doing things outside the house was just my "Mars" misunderstanding of her "Venus" need to vent about things. I know she was actually jealous sometimes, but for the most part, and this has come out since the bombs fell, she felt trapped, and uncomfortable HERSELF about going out with her friends because I was not going out. How's that for backwards. Catch 22 or something like that.

Yes, funny how this works because I felt guilty becasue she couldn't do things...now I think she is the one feeling this way....she feels guilty in a lot of ways becasue she believes that I will be offended if she goes out with her friends due to our past and such. I mean, what the hey...if she wants to go, that's one thing and I don't mind. Funny, she mentioned this the other night. A couple of weeks ago, a friend of hers had mentioned going to Bingo on a Saturday afternoon. My W told me about it. No big deal in my mind, but as it turned out she didn't go. now, I don't think her friend ever called (it wasn't a definite) but now my W tells me the other day that she wouldn't have gone because it would only cause problems. Now, I haven't raised a fuss about such things in the past, why would I now? Is it because of her perception that I might get upset or is it because of something else.....

All I am looking for from her, and it may take some "directness" on my part to get this, it for her to acknowledge my fears and reassure me that she can be trusted.

Another good point. I mentioned to my W during the course of our conversation that I don't mind if she wants to go here or there and spend time with friends, etc., but there are ways to reassure us of trust if they really want us to trust them. The thing is, anything I would suggest would only come across as controlling. OK, I guess I'm a control freak if I have trust issues at this point. Precisely as you have put it...they want us to trust them 100%.

Yep, that's about the shape of things. Frank over in piecing is in the same place and is struggling too. It's a good problem to have, especially when compared to the opposite. I think we are all having the same thought right about now; why can't the W's either tell us something OR DO something to help this process along? It seems like they need to start picking up some slack on their end and helping to make this work.

Yeah, this is the one that gets to me as well....you summed it up nicely over in Frank's thread....my W said exactly the same thing, passionless and boring life. Now, I have to wonder how much is this a symptom of the A and how much of it is festering from our life together. Recognize that prior to the A, my W and I were actually spending a lot more time together doing things, going to concerts, games, out for dinner, etc. As for passion, I don't want to go into too much, but we had a pretty healthy sex life. Now, I admit that several months prior to the A, things had cooled off some, but yet I attribute that the ebb and flow of any relationship and also her hectic work pace. Sadly, there were too many moments of "we have 15 minutes, lets get some action so I can get ready for work". I don't like that, she doesn't like it, but it satisfied our basic "needs".

The point is, I can readily identify why should would feel the was she does. At the same time, I think they do have to step up to some degree and it has to be recoprocal. In some respects, my W has done this and has initiated some intimate moments (showers together, using the hot tub, etc.), I just wonder if I'm responding the right way. Also, I think my confidence has been shaken and I find myself wondering if I'm still revving the engine, so to speak. This never used to be an issue.

I actually feel more compelled to snoop now than at the height of the A because I want to confirm her assertion that the A is over.

Yeah, that's about the same time my snooping went from idle to overdrive. To be hones, during the first couple months, I just didn't do it. After she told me that she was working on us, etc, that's more or less when I stepped it up. I wish I wouldn't have, but I did. Now I find myself telling myself just DON'T do it. The point is, what does it help?

Thanks GH, and thanks for remembering Disney....