I can only imagine how you feel not having children myself, and your feelings come out loud and clear. And it's good to come here to get them out.
As someone who read every one of your threads thoroughly and admired your ability to identify a problem and deconstruct it into small actionable steps, I know you've got it in you. You know fully well that you have to be the change you want to see - that you can't make H do or think or change. Gripe all you want here - I'm sure there are plenty of moms who share your feelings.
I know in the moment when you are mad or angry, you don't feel like being the one to take on the issues, yet again. But have you thought of the alternative? Will letting things get worse be closer to your ideal picture?
Can you take H's statements below and 'translate' them into a more 'loving' version? For example, how often do you hear someone say something like "well, you coulda called ?" When really what they probably were saying beneath the anger was more like "I really looked forward to talking to you, and I miss you."
If I were to take a quick crack at the items below, I see:
1. H. misses the you and him before the baby. And as a non-parent, I can tell you that I have seen many of my friends have kids and somehow completely transform - they stopped doing their interests, or able to talk about anything other than the kids. And you happen to know that I LOVE kids, but I also need adult conversation and interests. Can you put enough of a positive spin on this one to see that he might miss the Sage & H you were?
2. I think you've got this one figured out - might be time to pull out M/V again . . . I remember you going back to it several times (don't you have it on tape?).
3. Hmmm, well not much you can do about this one. I think M/V would suggest you simply listen and show confidence in his ability to handle it.
4. Did he elaborate? Has he gone to the doctor?
I know you can do this Sage - I've seen you do it before. You know that it takes some consistent focus in small steps to turn things around.
Now, you've come and griped - fair enough. Come back and let's see you tackle some of these in the Old Sage Way. And Ellie's right - get a babysitter and get a night out w/ H. right away. That has got to be good for both of you.
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