Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

Grrr...ok, fodder for DB'ing (one way to look at it).

Last night, at the end of our three day weekend during which h spent 1/2 of it acting as though his dog had died, I struck up a conversation with him last night -- "I'm worried about you", "Do you want to talk about it".

Well, yes, he did.

Basically, he said this...

1. He feels that despite our pre-baby conversations we have turned into people whose life is "all about the baby". He said that he didn't realize that she would have to be watched at all times save when she's sleeping. That it's all encompassing, etc.

It sounds like it's not just the effort involved in watching her but that he feels as though we're "choosing" to have her be the focus.

2. He does not want to be corrected, EVER -- earlier during the evening when we were getting ready to feed her he ripped a toy out of her hand (our "rule" is "toys or food in the highchair, not both"). I said "She's getting to the point where you might want to tell her that you're going to take the toy away" (notice that I did not say "ask for permission"). Anyway, heinous mistake on my part. He said I think my way is always right, etc. OK, easy enough.

3. That he's stressed out about his new job.

4. That he doesn't feel well.

He was so downtrodden during this conversation -- through the who GD weekend and the weekend before this and the one before that -- weekends are too hard, he says, etc.

Last night I was in good listening mode, etc. Today I am depressed, mad, sad, tired and wondering if I have the stamina to take this on -- particularly since toddlerhood (hers, not his) is looming large and do I really think it's going to get easier or actually be fixed? Do I really think some sense of teamwork or his enjoying his family will return? Is that even possible?

And, let me get something off my chest (and I did not point this out to him)...here's what his sunday consisted of (1/3 of his "no downtime, awful weekend")....

a. Sleep through the night (I got up 4 times with Charlotte)
b. Sleep until 8am (I got up at 6:30 with her)
c. Take a 3 hour nap (hahahahaha)
d. Go watch football at a friend's house for 5 hours
e. Watch Charlotte solo for 40 minutes while Mom takes a break and showers (watch Charlotte for 24 hours - 40 minutes)

Yes, I'm feeling a wee bit "keeping score bitter" right now but let me ASSure you that he got my best face that day and every other freakin' minute of the weekend.

Cheeseless tunnel alert -- where's my credit for 10 months of keeping crap pulled together while working full time and being patient with everyone and everything? (Yes, Ellie, I can hear you now -- "Here's your credit, Sage, now get a babysitter!" )

So, when I'm feeling a little less mad (later today), I'll come back and do something with his complaints. At this moment, I have no desire to even try. (Yes, that was me pulling out my KLA tapes this AM but I did NOT listen to them on the way to work. So there! )

Sage