Okay, girl - you NEED to find a good sitter! And you NEED a regular weekly date night with H - and it should be something more interesting than just dinner or a movie all the time.
And - you need to split up the weekends - time for you, time for him, time for you both as a couple. Just don't make the mistake I made, and give all your energies to your baby and to freeing up your H - claim some time for yourself! I used to think I was being a good wife by putting my H's needs ahead of my own, but in the long run, he didn't appreciate me for it - just resented that I wasn't out doing more interesting things.
So - how about this:
- one regular night a week as date night - Saturday mornings are his time doing his guy things without the baby - Sunday mornings (or afternoons) are your time doing things without the baby and h
And no more him going out with mixed groups of coworkers without you! You get a sitter and go with. Make sure every one of his friends and coworkers knows you well and thinks you're the greatest (because you are:) ).
And if you think h is getting a little depressed, how about sneaking some light therapy in on him? I found a site with a very cheap dawn simulator (you could claim you need it to help you wake up). Getting him to use a light box might be harder, but a dawn simulator might be enough to help.
I know that feeling you're having - "to heck with him if he can't step up". Just suck it up and rethink your strategy. Having a little one is stressful on any marriage, and H's often suffer from the lack of attention as we are so engrossed with our babies. I know I often felt like I just didn't have anything left to give my H at the end of the day. But the best thing for your baby is for her parents to have a sound marriage.
