Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

I just really want to affirm the M&V stuff as you talk to your H. This is one of the things I learned with my SO, and where I know I failed miserably the first time around. Praise, praise, praise. Every time H does something you appreciate, let him know, in short, sweet, simple and direct terms.

yes, yes, yes. M&V really helped knock our M off of a plateau when DB'ing had worked great but I still wasn't getting the intimacy that I was looking for...I'm actually pretty good at the praise piece and the support piece, too. What I'm NOT good at (and it's an unfortunate thing given our current stage) is understanding the differences between Martians not offering help and Venusians not wanting to ask for it. We've had quite a few minor issues of late where I end up stewing because I've been juggling the kid for hours without a break and she's screaming again or needs to be changed and h is lying there next to me not doing anything! I end up snarling "would you please help me?!" and he ends up astonished that I'm irked since I could have asked for help all along!

I think we're both making much more of an effort though, in the last few days...he's offering to relieve me much more frequently and I'm doing better making reasoned requests. I do think one thing that helped was that after a few days of getting no sleep and having him have a mini breakdown, I suggested he take a night off with no resentment or worries from me...doing that seemed to make a big difference.

One thing I also forget in the heat of the moment is how frustrated h can get when he doesn't think he can solve a problem easily...it masks itself as anger, irritation, an unwillingness to even try...when it's really the feeling that he might not succeed....and you KNOW how challenging solving the "problem" of a newborn's cries can be! It explains why at times he seems unwilling to tackle that aspect of what's needed.

Sage