I have to admit that I spent most of my spare time yesterday reading your thread. There are alot of parts that really struck my heartstrings with a resounding 'thud'.
When my H said he wanted a D (3 times) I reacted like you... I crumbled like a 100 year old building in a 10 pt quake... that is until the last time (about 3 mo ago). Actually this last time I TOLD him to do it already. That I was not going to be treated like crap any longer. (Like you, I also did the internet thing. More to the story but it was a year ago.) I told him that I was NOT going to tolerate him treating me badly, inconsiderately, coldly, putting me down and PUNISHING me! You should of seen his face. He looked shocked! He said he didn't realize he was doing that. (??Oh really??)
I had simply decided that I was worth more than THIS treatment. That yes, I had made a mistake but only H could decide if he had it in his heart for forgiveness... if he wanted to go forward in our R. Only he could decide that. But I was not going to let him treat me badly while he decided.
Please don't let your W treat you badly.
And I read where Cobra said to ask her what she wants from you. I did this with my H. Over and over. Somebody once said that the definition of insanity is to expect different results when you do the same thing in the same way over and over. In my H's case it would SEEM like we would get somewhere... but then the next day it was as if we never had the convo at all. I felt like I was trying to make a window in a cement block wall with my head! I found that it was in pulling back and 'accepting' (as in NOT commenting on) if you will, his 'choices' that he has begun seeing me again for the person I am, not this horrible betrayer that his mind painted me as.
My H's behavior toward me has changed dramatically. He has not filed for D. (Not saying he still can't; always that possiblity) But he spends alot of time with me... (rarely goes out with 'the guys' anymore). He talks to me, vents on me again. (Big on this as his career is high stress) And lately, he has started speaking of our 'future' together. I too struggle with the 'normal' behavior at times. Smile; be happy, speak as if everything were fuzzy peachy... whatever. And as Lillie says; I am developing my 'intuition'. The one that tells you to WAIT... don't do that; don't say that. But makes you patient and 'watch'.
I think you are doing great. So many of your observations have made me laugh, cry and say AH-HA!
My biggest revelation was the fact that I couldn't 'make' my H do anything. Especially 'love'. But you know what... I figure if he wants to throw me away, his loss. The same with your W... if she wants to throw you away, her loss. A loss that she will regret for the rest of her life. My second biggest revelation was that no matter what; no matter what he does or decides to do... I'm going to be all right.
