quite right. Not making excuses for myself (ok maybe a little ) but I think I did not process or cope well with the whole vents of the year and used that approach to justify my anger and pain.
I compare it to some of the discussion that is going on on another thread with "Am I creating a SSM II". That being that I think for the past several months I wanted validation of the pain I was in, that was caused by her A. I am not sure I wanted groveling (ok maybe a little), but I sure as heck wanted recognition of the level of betrayal and hurt. I am not sure what finally clicked the switch, nor is it important. But now I do see that the pain and hurt is mine to own. It is mine to cope with. I did not create it, but I am the one that has to deal with it, and I have dealt with it very poorly in the past.
The "wake up" call was the events of a few weeks ago and the revelation by the wonderful people on this board that my actions were creating some (if not half) of the current issue that I am facing.
I have stopped that part of the "inquisition" with my wife. I find it is getting easier to do as you have suggested, to just let it go. Deal with my reaction first and foremost.
As of late, that seems to be getting a beter response form her.
Would it help Lillie if I said the blizzard was just awful?
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
) but I think I did not process or cope well with the whole vents of the year and used that approach to justify my anger and pain. 
