Quote: I would find flaws in her logic and inconsistancies in her story (it is a part of my job and I am damn good at it).
Reassure me that you now know that when talking about feelings, relationship, etc. with your partner that this is the totally wrong approach... not wrong because it's morally wrong or anything, but wrong because it is NOT the path to the place you want to be.
The fact that it is your job and you are damn good at it practically makes you a lethal weapon in the home. If you make a living as a professional boxer, you should never spank the kids or the dog unless you can really exercise self control.
Your goal is to understand her and build a bridge between you two, not to point out where she is wrong. How did pointing out that someone is wrong ever bring them closer? Even if the other person grudgingly admits you are right, the walls go up and stay there. How could they not?
It's okay for her to be wrong. AND for you to be wrong. AND for neither of you to correct the other. Like when you DIDN'T call her to tell her she was shirking her responsibility. That was very good.
Here's something to try, if you're interested in observing your reactions to it: when you're NOT at work, mentally take off the "Logic and Consistency Police" badge. Let grammatical errors go by (my pet peeve, in fact, I have a CATALOGUE of pet peeves ), let people mispronounce things, let them make illogical statements (people IRL and on tv and radio), let them misquote, say stuff that makes no sense.... especially your family. Let them be. The purpose is to observe your own reaction to their errors. Go on a Correction Diet: give it up just for a few days. See how you feel. Let people just goof up and bumble around go off in the wrong direction...
(This is something that is SOOO hard for me, and it is interesting for me to listen to the chatter that arises inside me when I hear someone tell a story completely wrong, or give someone the wrong directions to someplace. It's comical how worked up I can get. But it feels good to be Off Duty.)
), let people mispronounce things, let them make illogical statements (people IRL and on tv and radio), let them misquote, say stuff that makes no sense.... especially your family. Let them be. The purpose is to observe your own reaction to their errors. Go on a Correction Diet: give it up just for a few days. See how you feel. Let people just goof up and bumble around go off in the wrong direction... 
