Quote: The contolling F4W wanted to call and remind her of the failure to keep her word to the kids, but that is overtaken by the rational side saying she is probably swamped at work.
Very good, F. Calling and reminding her would have been exactly the wrong thing to do.
You might consider a variation of this tactic for a while: no matter what she does or says, respond lovingly. I don't mean just blow her off and don't let her get to you... I mean respond with love. Not necessarily what you might consider loving actions, like kisses, or stuff that she would regard with suspicion. I mean do what you did above, give her the benefit of the doubt, find some love inside yourself, and act from there. This can be a challenge, to be sure, but it DOES put you firmly in control of your interior landscape, so to speak. When she does something that is designed to push your hot buttons, and you respond with a loving smile and a "that's okay, honey" it will completely knock the wind out of her sails. Sort of a Ghandi-esque completely non-violent approach. As you hover over the chess board, just pour love out on her from inside of you, silently.
A friend of mine was married to a raging alcoholic and her alanon sponsor suggested something interesting-- that my friend pray for her husband, consciously, deliberately, daily. So every morning when they were in bed and her husband was still asleep, she would put her hand on his back and just pour love out on him silently. She never told him she did this. And of course he didn't stop drinking, but somehow by doing this, she put herself more in the driver's seat. She felt less in his power and less controlled by him. My own theory of prayer is that prayer does not change God or change events but it does change the person doing the praying. Just my personal theory.
I've been low carbing for about six months and I would KILL for ice cream... well, not kill, but I could get pretty cranky.
