Quote: Why don't you just ask her what she wants from you, in specific points, figure out how long it will take you to honestly and wholeheartedly make that transformation, and how long it will take her to beleive what she sees and regain some level of trust?
My current thinking is that with argumentative, contentious, PITA types, it's best not to ask questions. It's best to make statements and then let them respond or not.
Ultimately, of course, for real EC to occur, there must be mutual vulnerability, but some R's on here are pretty far from that.
F4W asked, How do I communicate and still stay above the chessboard?
By making statments.
Well, you say, how do I know she hears me and understands?
Alas, if she doesn't give you a clear response that indicates that she hears you and understands, in a nutshell, you don't.
IF both of you WANT to communicate then you can use the active listening technique that I think cobra describes somewhere when you say something and she repeats back what she heard, and the convo doesn't proceed until you both are clear. You do this step by step.
If she's not willing to hear you, communication is not possible. You can't make her get the message.
